it is extreme mania…euphoric beyond measure…spending sprees and maxed out credit cards…bank accounts overdrawn…endless drives going into the next day and the next day…up and down the coast …across America…happily going into the abyss…novels written in three week stances…disregarding sleep…no dreams…a force to be reckoned with…and a sex drive unequal to any man…woman…beast…or college freshman…

the appetite is beyond huge…more is better…the most is preferred…popping Wellbutrin…Trazadone only mocks…and daily doses of Depakote swallowed in hopes of three hours of sleep…good luck…

writing in restaurants…walking city blocks into early morn…rapid thoughts…blaming yourself for failed relations…always showing your hand too soon…the want of love…affection in large quantities from whoever whatever where ever it can be found…in bars…in strip clubs…online…ex-girlfriends… constant hunger…famished…never satisfied…if only to be held…if only to be held…

all this leads to one gigantic crash…suicidal thoughts increase ten-fold with clouds of sadness overhead for days and days and days…curled-up in fetal positions…shivering under blankets…the feel of the physical sickness…a body…a mind…a soul out of commission…nowhere to land…all have been alienated by past yelling…constant calling…apologies for being ill…just take the fall…a ten count is required…

you want to quit…stop life…halt this monster in it’s tracks…but…you can’t…

no jobs…a friend or two…trust in no-one… then everyone…again no-one…please give me solace…

breath…breath…breath…take-in…push-out…in case of emergency call 911…

nothing is ever normal…