Did you love him? the son asked his mother. Or at least care about him? She nodded. Lit a cigarette and placed the pack on the wooden table next to a water stain. Hard to talk about, isn’t it? he looked at her and asked silently if he could have a smoke. His mom again nodded yes. He lit it with a Zippo he carried in his front pants pocket, which smelled of lighter fluid. Funny thing, he said. If you mail it to them, they’ll fix it for free. He laughed. Somewhere in Pennsylvania. I forget. Thinking of sending this one in. It leaks something fierce. She nodded. So. Did you love him?

Mom got up and put some water in a pot for tea. You want some? I got herbal and black. Which one you want? She held the two tea bags up with her pinkies. He pointed at the black one. Did I love your dad? She asked with her back turned to him. Yeah. Yeah I did. Before he went crazy. You remember?

He used to come home late. I’d hear him stumbling down the hall. Knocking pictures off the walls. Cursing.

Right. He’d get really mad at himself. Cursing and carrying on. She poured the tea into green cups that said Michigan on them with outlines of a lake and deer. 

He ever hit you? 

No. She placed the tea on the table. Stirred sugar into hers. Pushed the bowl over to him. Never hit me. He was never that type of guy. He just got drunk all the time and threatened to kill himself.

I never knew this. 

Kept it hidden as much as I could.

I remember hearing him cry a lot, he said.

Yeah. He’d get really sad till I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to let go. It was killing me.

So you kicked him out?

He left on his own accord. She sipped her tea. Lit another cigarette. Woke up after midnight and heard the truck starting. I figured he was going out for a pack of smokes. Maybe a half pint. Anyway, I fell back asleep. You know the rest.

Yeah. I do.

I got a letter from him about a year later. He said he was in Alaska working in a cannery. Said he smelled like fish all the time.

Is that all he said?

He said to tell you he loved you.

You never told me he said that.

I’m telling you now.

They sat quietly and drank their tea.