boxes…

d’ya feel it…

yea…

that distance…a distance there…

between us…

yes…between us…almost as if you didn’t wanna be touched…

I didn’t…

you didn’t…

no…I did not…

and now…

now what…

now do you wanna be touched…

I don’t know…at times…yes…very much…then…nothing…just…nothing…

i see..

no…you…

what…

you talk this language…these words I’m not used to…never heard before…wanted to…just never happened…

what kind of words…

caring words…words like…

love…

yes…it’s not what I want…no…I don’t know…sometimes…maybe…why…

why what…

why do you love me…how can you say you know me…I don’t even know myself…thought I did at one time…long time ago… wasn’t me…wasn’t…turned-out ta’ be this imagined…made-up sense of self…what I thought he’d want…

yea…i’ve done that…lived that way…

and…turned out…he didn’t want that made-up me neither…

played parts…different roles…

I did what I thought was needed…

needed…

to keep me and him together…

all that…

yea…

and…

now…I don’t know who I am…scared…very scared of finding-out…

finding…

secrets…really dark secrets…somethin’ I’ve kept covered…then…

exposed…told…

yea…told…

there’s people…they go through this life…their whole time on earth living in fear…a constant hiding behind things…

like what…

everything…specific things…food…sex…booze…drugs…abuse…giving too much…holding their cards…everything bottled-up…never getting to any kind of truth…a life of fabrication…jumping from one scene to the next…but…it’s always the same story…cutting themselves off from truth…

Goddamn you…Goddamn you…

yes…Goddamn me…how dare i…you think this is all about you…i don’t have any of these untruths…there’s  nothing i hide…

didn’t say that…did not say that…just different…

no…trust me…it is not…we’re both damaged…

damaged…

yep…someone…something…long time ago kicked the boxes and damaged all the goods inside…and no-one… not one single person has opened these boxes to fix the broken parts…

stop…

not moms…sisters…brothers…friends..lovers…preachers…and not ourselves…these busted contents remain sealed with duct tape and calloused skin…

yes…

yes…i wanna take things out of these boxes…look at them…really look at them… try to fix all this…this…stuff…

not ready for that…can’t…

i know…i know…

what can I do…

you can always talk…always…i will listen…

Published by: dmseay

The writing is based on my surroundings and what I've been surrounded by. This language is coarse and politically incorrect; which I make no apologies for. These characters are not nice and to use any other dialogue would be disingenuine. That being said, I choose to roll the dice. dm seay

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