the medallion…poem 14

there was always a distrust between us…letters she’d found…written to former lovers…girlfriends throughout the years…explicit talk of times together…weekends spent in hotel beds…making love till checkout time…drunken nights spilling into drunken days…wonderful hangovers poured into a glass and shared by two…she was jealous…did she ever have that kind of love…she did not…she did not…

as far as i knew she only had one love…there was only one man she ever gave herself to…said that was the Christian way…save yourself for the one true love and never give into urges…all i ever did was give into urges…

had a wild streak in me…would take off on drives ‘cross america at strange hours of the night…maybe i got that from the old man…i’d leave Indiana and wind-up in St. Louis…Chicago…go north to Toronto…just drive till i couldn’t go anymore…spendin’ money faster than i got it…sleepin’ in a car…headin’ to the bars and lying in wait for some woman to take me away in the purple hours before Sun-up…women with whiskey on their breath….that was what i fell for…

booze never touched her lips…if she even thought of drinking or fornicating with another man she would cry out for forgiveness of her sins…she was always worried ’bout sinnin’…even though her Protestant beliefs led her down the path of predestination she was always scared of her name not bein’ in the book when her time was up…, And the Lord either has your name in the great book or he don’t have your name in the great book and that is that…, she’d say every time she confronted me with my faults…written out proof that i was not true…

and i told her…, It don’t matter…i’m Hell bound anyway and ain’t no book gonna’ change that…if there even is a book…

with that she’d cry…cry out for another lost sinner in this world…a lost soul that would never know the truth…never know the love of God…ashamed that i took my comfort in worldly pleasures…ashamed of me indeed…

what can i say…

the flesh is weak…

One thought on “the medallion…poem 14

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