Rain

Thunder rolled in the dark clouds and streaks of lightening could be seen for miles. The rain that was promised hadn’t come yet. Jesse sat out on the back porch waiting to be cleansed.

It’d been awhile since a good storm had hit town. The farmers in the region complained of drought. Tomato plants had withered up and died. Flowers on the side of Jesse’s house needed tending to as well. Jesse knew this. However, the upkeep was too much for her. Just like inside the house where dishes piled up in the sink and dusting had been placed on permanent hold. The girl just couldn’t get up the gumption to do anything. She was slipping bad in to another bout with depression; another title fight with herself.

All the other symptoms had almost gone. The manic episodes when she was younger had stopped for the most part. Grandiose ideas and opinions of herself had stopped too. But, she couldn’t lick that depression. It kept stirring up inside of her daily with thoughts of suicide and of giving up. She tried to talk about it with Mike, but she couldn’t. People thought she was strange enough. Mike certainly did. And, that was Mike. That was part of the attraction. He liked em a little on the crazy side. Jesse gave him all the crazy he needed.

It was the cocktail of meds that were working as far as the other symptoms were concerned. Throughout the years she had tried every combo. Seroquel, Abilify, Novane and others had just simply made her lethargic. And, in between bouts with lethargy came the mania. Going out every night and catching a man for a turn in the hay, speaking her mind when she didn’t need to, looking for a fight, were just some of the actions she took before the right cocktail was prescribed. Three hundred MG of Welbutrin and six MG. of Vraylar seemed to do the trick. But, she still couldn’t work. Too much going on in her mind. She talked to herself constantly. Slept for most of the day. And, always had to talk herself out of suicide. She knew there would come a day when she couldn’t do that. She knew the depression would win in the end.

Drinking didn’t help. But, that’s the one thing Mike and her had in common. They both liked to get so drunk that they’d pass out after polishing off bottles in the midnight hour. Mike was a pro. All he needed was a hot shower and he was ready to work or play some more. Mike was also disciplined not to drink on the job. Something that Jesse could never get down. Over the course of time she had worked every job in town. And it was the same story. She’d show up drunk, get fired, and try to get work somewhere else only to repeat the scenario over and over again.

She was lucky enough to get disability for her Bipolar disorder. She lived on a little over a grand a month. And yes, most of it went towards booze.

And tonight she sat on the back porch watching the gods play in the sky. She took a sip of her cocktail and took in all that she could from the lightning. Jesse thought it was a source of power for her. She thought it’s energy flowed through her body. Soon as the rain fell she would dance in it for hours. Laughing and carrying on like a mad woman possessed. This to her was magic. It was magic out of a bottle poured into her and on her. For a million years she wished it would rain.

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