Did you mean to kill him?

I don’t know. It all happened so fast. He was coming at me with his arms outstretched. Like he was Frankenstein. He had some look in his eye. A mean look. But, he had his arms open. Maybe he wanted to give me a hug. I don’t know. It all happened really fast, she said to the cop.

You think maybe he was trying to hug you? Has he tried to hug you in the past like that?

How do you mean?

Coming at you. Arms outstretched. A mean look in his eye. Did he say anything?

No. He was silent. Breathing heavy. He was a smoker. Went through about two packs a day. He always had a gurgle in his throat. Made noises. But he wasn’t saying anything.

How’d it all start?

He came home late. Later than usual. I could tell he’d been drinking. Kind of dodged and weaved through the trailer. I was sitting in the front room watching TV. Some kind of show about animals. How they protect their young. Keep them safe. But then other animals come and try to kill them. Rape the mom. Declare themeslves king, the cop listened. Took a drink of coffee. Those animals are real headstrong. Wanting to kill. Wanting to protect, she said.

Did he come to you, or did you go to him?

He came over to me. Smelling of alcohol.

Where was the gun?

Had it beside me on the stand.

And you were waiting for him to come home?


Why’d you have the gun there?

Always have the gun next to me when he’s gone. Lots of crime in that part of town.

Yeah. I know.

Those animals killed those babies and raped that mother. That was hard to watch. But something made me want to watch it, she tapped her finger on the table. He got in between the TV and me, and he would not move. Just stood there with his arms outstretched. Like some animal, she tapped faster on the table. So. I killed him.

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