dmseay

They heard noises…train blowin’ through town…an alley cat screechin’…a john and a whore conductin’ business underneath an opened window on a hot Summer night…trucks passin’ by…far-off distant sounds of police cars racin’ to the scene of a crime…

He sat up in bed smokin’ a cigarette while her naked body lay next to him…there was silence between ’em…he didn’t know what to say…she was never any good at talkin’ ….therefore they just decided to be…two people at five in the mornin’…wide awake…he blew off dust on the nightstand…

She turned over and placed her arm upon his torso…started kissin’ his fat rib cage…small kisses…just lips to skin…blue stretch marks hung over her forehead…he patted her shoulder…put the cigarette out and turned towards her…this skinny blonde he’d been sleepin’ with for years…looked into her green eyes…and turned off the lamp with the other hand as he kissed her fully on the mouth…her lips tasted like cough drops…she liked to suck on cherry flavored medicine through out the day and into the night…always suckin’ on lozenges…started when she quit smokin’ years ago…but…she loved tastin’ the tobacco on his breath…

And outside the alley cat kept screechin’…the whore demanded more money…and the sounds of sirens got closer and closer…she turned over again with her back to his flabby chest…he held her in his arms…one with a tattoo that said JANEY on it inside a green heart…faded from the years…or maybe it was always that way…

They held each other tightly as they fell asleep with the sun just peakin’ through the gray cloudy sky…

It was just another night…

I sit in this room…humid old dusty place…wondering what my next move is…

Opened windows let air into a rented nightmare…dreams are interrupted by cars whizzing by and trains and trucks putting on brakes…

It is so hot…I lay naked on soaked sheets…pillow is a sponge…I wipe my forehead…from left to right…it is all water…

And the streets are wet from rain…

are you there…

yeah…I’m here…

can you hear me…

yes…I hear you…you’re coming through loud and clear…

testing…1…2…3…testing…123…do you copy…

I said yes…I copy…no need to get all professional…Roger this…Roger that…I hear you…

you can never be too sure…

of what…

whether you’re being heard or not…some folks go their whole lives not being heard…just silently sitting in a corner…not a word…never speaking…only silent prayers…they only talk to God…humans are off their radar…

how’s that…

they gave up on being heard…after many attempts they said the hell with it…and they just wander ’round…going from place to place…town to town…doing menial tasks…washing dishes…mowing yards…breaking down boxes…they just plain gave up on everything…

I see…

do you hear me…

yeah…loud and clear…

I read this story once ’bout these women whose pain was so great they had their tongues removed…cut out…couldn’t talk…some kind of protest…

what good did that do em…

they had no joy in their lives…

’cause they couldn’t talk…

no…it was what made em not wanna talk…can you imagine carryin’ on like that…

different strokes…

right…

right…

I’m gonna hang up now…and not say a word for the rest of the day…I’ve never gone a whole day in quiet ‘fore…

you do that…tell me tomorrow how it feels…

you hear me…

loud and clear…

Every morning you could hear him down the hall…grinding beans for coffee…running water…coughing from a cigarette…and moving back and forth…pacing on the linoleum….talking to himself…carrying on full conversations…always about some woman…some woman who’d left him years ago…

He’d talk about her husband…how they’d carried on this affair for a long time without his knowledge…he was a salesman…always on the road…never knowing what his wife was up to…the whole thing was very hush hush…

And she’d change her hair color all the time…go from auburn to brunette…sometimes ash blonde…she was getting older…the gray was coming in…

So…he’d talk about her ever morning…making a racket in the kitchen down the hall…saying how a man can change over night…how life can change…you never see it coming…it just happens…just one day people move on…they tire of you…that’s what happened with her…she grew dissatisfied with her life…he was the one that found her…all stretched out on the bed…empty bottle of Trazadone on the night stand that her father had built her years ago…the lamp was turned off…

Kept mumbling…,why…,every morning…then he’d close his door and no sounds would come from him till the next day…just silence…quiet as a graveyard…but…mornings…he’d talk…

She’d tell these stories…whoppers…big old flat out lies bout herself…said she was connected to some kind of Southern aristocracy…folks long ago owned pieces of land in Georgia…Alabama…a few hundred acres in Mississippi…told tales of white girls in lace bein’ escorted by young men in flannel suits with colorful handkerchiefs tucked away in their upper pocket…straw hats with broad brims to protect em from the sun…women walked with parasols…said she used to watch em down by the lake…out on the water…rowin’ from one end to the other…smiles on their faces…

Told stories bout the many men who’d come callin’ on her…young men with college degrees…military uniforms…tellin’ her she looked so lovely with her auburn hair and cream colored skin…she turned em away by the hundreds…enough to fill out a flank of the Confederate army…said she was somethin’…really somethin’…

And she’d sit in that corner all day tellin’ these stories…till it was time for rest…nurses would hand her medications they said helped with her memory…then tuck her in bed where she’d dream throughout the night…dreams of bein’ taken away to the promised land…singin’ songs all day long to the Lord almighty…praisin’ his name…hallelujah…hallelujah…hallelujah…you’d hear her mumble throughout the night…

She wanted to see those streets of gold…that’s what she longed for…that’s what she wanted to see…she was done with her old body…her used mind…it was time to start anew…time to start anew…a Southern plantation in heaven…that’s all she wanted…

He stood on the corner ‘cross from the church watchin’ all these Mexicans file inside the wooden doors…it was like they were at a McDonald’s…waitin’ on a Big Mac or a shake…standin’ there with kids clutchin’ the hands of moms and dads…holdin’ on tightly…dressed in blues and whites and pinks and yellows…some girls had flowers in their hair…men held hands with women…he stood there watchin’…

And there were all these pickups in the parkin’ lot…Ford’s…GMC…Dodge Rams…couple of Chevys…painted silver and black…all of em silver and black…with cowboy hats in the front seats…gun racks on the back windows…you could tell they’d all been recently washed…the sun bounced off em all…

As he watched he remembered when his mom and dad took him to Sunday school…a protestant church down South…it was called Locust Bayou…Hell and fury were taught…very little of love…he wondered what lessons were taught at this church…He never went in to find out…he just stood there watchin’…wonderin’…a little girl pointed at him and smiled…he walked away…

There’s a calm in the early morning hours…while it’s still dark outside…a quietness…no cop cars cruising…nor ambulances racing…fire trucks have been put away for the night…young birds chirping…saying they’re hungry…they sing out…softly…

And…there is no train going through town at this hour…no diesels putting on air brakes…the mad mad men of back alleys are fast asleep…tortured by dreams and fantasies of getting old…dying in the streets…lovers gone years ago…alone…to die alone…

It is so late…so early in the morn…a waitress at the truck stop pours black coffee while voices carry throughout the night…,Number 23…your shower is ready…,a fat man stumbles to a stall to wash his sins away…a woman he picked up in Tulsa…running from something…aren’t we all…

It is early…or late…and my heart aches for you…goodnight…

So…I said to him…you’re not goin’ anywhere…he looked at me with that fool look on his face he always has…I said…what’dya think you’re doin’…just laughed…then it got real weird…the breeze stopped blowin’…things stood still…got dark…real dark like it was almost night time in the middle of the day…and he just kept on laughin’…wild as a hyena…crazier than ten whores on crack…I stood there in silence…didn’t know whether or not to draw my gun…then I heard this sound…like a freight train haulin’ in mid-air…looked up and saw it…the four horsemen ridin’ in the sky…and I knew the apocalypse had begun…and…I got real scared…but a voice from inside said to me…fear not…for tomorrow you will be in paradise…could’ve swore that’s what it said…Jr. kept laughin’…just laughin’…as I watched the end of the world ‘fore my very eyes…buildins crashin’ down…cows tossed up in the air…a barn completely destroyed…they say the mobile home court ‘cross town was the hardest hit…debris everywhere…everywhere…then it got real calm…birds began chirpin’…Jr. stopped laughin’…sat there with a grin on his face…a toothless grin…and the only thing left from my home was an old cedar chest my daddy had built…it was locked shut…had the key on my ring…opened it and out came a fantastic light…a golden yellow shining light…and I knew soon I would be in paradise…paradise…least that’s what the voice inside said…that voice has never lied to me…not once…I knew it was time…it was time…it was definitely time…

He fell behind…lost her somewhere out West…maybe New Mexico…could’ve been some part of Arizona…’round Nogales…close to the border…wasn’t sure…her license plate just kind of faded into the dust…

She was running from him out of fear…scared of his love…they say some people love too much…all the girl knew was she wasn’t ready to settle down just yet…had a wild streak in her…didn’t want that broken by some produce manager at the Piggly Wiggly store…she had other ideas…

The chase started in Texas…’round Lubbock…she had a day’s jump on him in that old Charger she drove…he took off in his pickup truck…going as fast as he could…spotted the car parked in a motel parking lot close to Alberqurquee…he fell asleep and when he woke up she was gone…no trace…just some green fluid on the asphalt from where she was parked…

Figured she was heading out to Hollywood…thought she’d go out there to try and make it big…he didn’t know…all his life he’d wanted her…had her…and then she was gone…just gone…like a dandelion on a breezy Summer’s day…all of her was blowing everywhere…pieces of her here…there…she’d never be whole again…that’s the way he saw it…

So…he pawned the ring he’d bought her…went back to spraying and cutting vegetables…oiling cucumbers…make ’em shine…kept a picture of her next to his bed…looked at it from time to time…till eventually it was gone…thrown away with all the crazy thoughts he had of ever finding her…some people love too much…

have you confessed your sins…

I have…

who heard ’em…

a friend…keeps secrets…sealed like an envelope…

what did ya tell him…

I said there was this guy…and he had done some bad things…told him he’d stolen from people…beat up some guys…killed a woman…

told him that…

did…

told him I’d had just ’bout enough…couldn’t stand it no more…so…I did somethin’ ’bout it…

you show him the knife…

I threw that knife away…

you threw it away…

yeah…didn’t want any part of it no more…

you told him all this…

said I’d stabbed him multiple times in the guts…said I’d made sure he was dead…

they ain’t found his body yet…

they won’t…not till years from now…he’ll stink up the earth eventually…just like he stunk up everything else…

you glad you did it…

yeah…

best be leavin’ pretty soon…

you got the money for the Greyhound ticket…

right here…headin’ down to Joplin huh…

am…hide out there for awhile…there’s a diner there…serves white rice smothered in brown gravy…get some…

thanks for everything…

it was my pleasure…