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dmseay

  • thanks…

    April 4th, 2017

    an’ there was all these men sittin’ ’round eatin’ rolls…stickybuns…leftovers from the near-by doughnut shop…came in big plastic bags…green garbage bags really…just threw ’em down in the center of the gatherin’ place on big long wooden card tables…the kind people sit behind when their conducting a meeting…or wantcha’ to get in line for a ticket to a Friday night football game or something…

    just tables with garbage bags in the middle of the room with men pickin’ through ’em…some complained ’bout the pecan rolls bein’ hard…stale…others ate ’em just fine…like they hadn’t had nothin’ for days…

    an’ there was hot coffee served in these big silver pots at the end of the tables…milk and some half-n-half in cartons with Elsie the cow on the boxes…that big goofy smile on her face…always happy to give milk…nicest cow i ever knew…

    pretty soon the boys come through the place with the big push-brooms…sweepin’-up discarded wax papers that wrapped ’round the doughnuts an’ buns…swept-up napkins and styrofoam cups…couple of loose teeth that lay on the floor…they was fallin’ outta’ crazy John’s head left an’ right….he was bleedin’ like a stuck pig…in his hands was this sticky bun covered in nuts an’ blood…nuts an’ blood…the roll just took it all in like a giant sponge…he just sat there with that goofy smile on his face eatin’ away….just eatin’ away…

    they started taken the garbage bags ‘way an’ all the men went to pushin’ an’ shovin’ for more…Old Joe told ’em to get back or there wouldn’t be any kinda’ breakfast tomorrow…they was just words…just words….

    i sat an’ watched with my cup of coffee…didn’t want any rolls…just coffee…chapel was startin’ soon…we’d all bow our heads an give thanks for the bags of sweets…

    we all gave thanks… we all gave thanks…

  • waited…

    April 3rd, 2017

    waited for autumn…
    never came…
    wanting a colorful death…
    something to write home about…
    from Montreal…
    where a foriegn tongue was spoken…
    trendy coffee shops…
    old burlesque shows…
    tourists talking…
    and i kept quiet…kept quiet…

    waited for autumn…
    never came…
    wanting a colorful death…
    something to write home about…
    from Vermont…
    sleeping in a Dodge…
    eating French fries in vacant lots…
    poets discuss and discuss and discuss…too much discussion
    not enough writing…not nearly enough…

    waited for autumn…
    never came…
    wanting a colorful death…
    something to write home about…
    from Gotham…
    eating in soup kitchens…
    praying in churches…
    watching youth at play in Washington Square…
    junkies trying to score…
    mixing with Mexican migrant workers…on the road to somewhere…somewhere…

    waited for autumn…
    never came…
    wanting a colorful death…
    something to write home about…
    from the Pittsburgh bus depot…
    where loudspeakers tell of boarding calls…
    vagabonds roll cigarettes…
    college girls apply make-up…
    sending out selfies…
    for all the world to see…

    waited for autumn..
    never came…
    wanting a colorful death…
    something to write home about…
    from my heart…
    broken…
    soul searching from city to city to city…
    looking for reds and golds…reds and golds…
    turning to brown..
    waited…waited…

    for you…
    waited for you…

  • dad’s birthday…

    April 2nd, 2017

    whatd’ya get the old man…did’ya get ’em a card…gift certificates to McDonald’s…nothin’…

    nothin’…

    he’s 77 for christ’s sakes…nothin’…

    no…

    he likes that one steakhouse place…the one with the horns…

    yea…

    huh…nothin’…

    that’s right…nothin’…

    then again…that other joint you can throw the peanut shells right on the floor…

    yea…

    he likes that place too…

    does it matter…

    what place…

    yea…what place…what birthday…what year…does it matter…

    it’s dad’s birthday…there’s a respect here…

    respect…

    yes…this calls for attention…

    i see…

    mom was big on birthdays…

    that so…

    yes…you weren’t around but she made sure we all went somewhere to celebrate…like that Mexican place where they give you a free meal…

    i see…

    you wouldn’t know though….you were off galavantin’ ’round the country like some hopeless troubador lookin’ for a love to sing to…

    uhhuh…

    what were you doin’ out there…

    nothin’…

    musta’ been somethin’…no…you get dad somethin’ for his birthday…it’s what should be done…the right thing…

    right…

    but when did you ever do the right thing…

    i guess never…not even as a kid…

    not that i can recall…got everybody worried ’bout’cha…some kind of vagabond…

    don’t worry about it…

    no…

    no…he won’t remember it anyways….

    what’re you gonna do when he’s gone…

    haven’t thought about it…

    you didn’t even come to momma’s funeral…

    couldn’t afford to get back home…

    ya never should’ve left to begin with…

    had to…

    huh…don’t see me runnin’ ’round the world half-cocked…that’s your problem…you got no roots…never settled…that’s what happens to people like you…

    how’s that…

    you just…you just…make people’s lives miserable…mom worried about you…you know that…

    nope…i don’t know that…never entered my mind…

    well she did…i never thought twice about’cha…but mom sure did…

    that’s what this is about…she’s gone…that’s done…finished…

    yea…finished…huh…and dad…

    he’s finished too…

  • the lucky…

    April 2nd, 2017

    ten thousand fools…
    those that never tried…
    their hand at love…
    heart broken…
    soul discarded…

    did you become hardened…
    or…withered away…
    from love…from love…
    to not care…callused…
    no-longer feel the effects…

    and fear comes into play…
    marred-by marriages that didn’t last…
    long-term relations never bore fruit…
    dogs and picket fences…dogs and picket fences…
    you always said you’d be around…

    ten thousand fools…
    those that never tried…
    their hand at love…
    heart broken…
    soul discarded…

    giving an’ giving an’ giving an’ giving….
    till it hurts…
    the lips bleed from truth…
    hands ache to be held…
    midnight’s the loneliest hour…

    reaching over in purple to find nothing…
    just a silent television with pictures flashing…
    clinging to blankets…
    the wanting never stops…
    for your touch…for your touch…

    ten thousand fools…
    those that never tried…
    their hand at love…
    heart broken…
    soul discarded…

  • and i think of you…

    April 1st, 2017

    these walks…
    taken at midnight…
    pass bars…lit churches…
    stroll-by old haunts where vagabonds gather…
    witches casting spells…
    Gypsies dance…

    down alleyways…
    jobs done behind dumpsters…
    picking for food…aluminum cans…broken bottles…
    mysterious makeshift cardboard homes…
    a rat scurries by…
    and i think of you…

    business deals made on street corners…
    under busted streetlamps…
    nickel bags…dime bags…
    a rock is thrown…
    meth takers…
    myth makers….

    was it in a dream…
    the streets were clean…
    paved with gold…
    the mansion on the hill…
    no junk to boot…
    just purity…just purity…

    these walks…
    taken at midnight…
    pass bars…lit churches…
    stroll-by old haunts where vagabonds gather…
    witches cast spells…
    Gypsies dance…

    and i think of you…

  • rearview mirror…

    March 31st, 2017

    Midwest blues…
    muttering bums walking through town…
    talking to themselves…
    of what once was…

    the broken america…
    looking at it in a rearview mirror…
    thinking of love’s past…
    money’s the honey…

    and I knew these streets…
    Austin Avenue….Belmont….Ashland…California….
    some filled with young hipsters….
    other streets spat upon by old weathered men….
    grocery clerks no-longer carry groceries….
    looking at it in a rearview mirror…

    flickering neon marks a path…
    down Lake where vagabonds and rustlers line-up for day jobs…junkies shoot…puff puff puff…
    the whores walk these streets under a sign….FRESH KILLED LAMB….
    and we’re waiting…and waiting…and waiting…

    looking at it in a rearview mirror…

  • no magic today…

    March 30th, 2017

    no magic today…
    not a word written…
    the soul was not stirred at 2 in the morn…
    sleep took me under it’s wing…down the path of dreams…

    fought it…
    wanted to get outta’ bed…write…write…write…
    but nothing came to mind…
    only dreams of which were soon forgotten…short trips…small scenes of life in black-n-white…

    dreamed of past loves…
    exes…exes…exes…
    none were calling out…
    all safe…not needing my affections…they had done just fine on their own…

    some got married…
    one found a lover in Mexico upon a vacation…
    some insurance salesman…
    she laughed…, still haven’t got a car eh….

    another found solace on her own…
    away from the madness of america…
    hidden away in a lighthouse offa’ Nova Scotia…just her and two black labs….said that’s what she always wanted…

    and i lay in bed alone…
    no lover…
    no black labs…
    just dreams….

    no magic today…
    not a word written…
    the soul was not stirred at 2 in the morn…
    sleep took me under it’s wing…down the path…
    of dreams…

  • as i sit…

    March 30th, 2017

    as i sit…
    stare…
    people-go-by…

    men in suits…
    women…uniforms fitted for business…
    vagabonds picking-up cigarette butts…

    black boys in baggys…
    white chicks talkin’ shit…
    a Jehovah on every corner…

    as i sit…
    stare…
    people-go-by…

    beer drivers deliver…
    attorneys straight-faced cross on red…
    Catholic school girls in plaid…

    bars open at 10…
    liquor store at 8…
    lines form…

    as i sit…
    stare…
    people-go-by…

  • back to blue…

    March 29th, 2017

    up-n-down…
    blue…
    mind changes in a moment’s notice…
    elation…
    terror stricken…
    back to blue…

    these thoughts…
    no serenity…
    highs-n-lows…
    buying bus tickets at 4 in the morning to Cucamonga…
    wanting sleep…desperately wanting sleep…
    no-longer in the game…

    senses heightened…
    an all-out alert…
    wearing the heart on a sleeve…
    honest to a fault…
    cry and cry and cry and cry…
    writing bad poetry at 5:30 in the morn…

    i saw this boy once at a Christian shelter in Joplin, MO. who said he needed a healin’…said he had devils inside of him that needed to come out…soul needed to be saved…
    so he went to chapel that night and confessed his sins…his lusts…suicidal thoughts… gluttony…sadness…pride…
    they beat on that boy til’ he couldn’t stand no more…,COME OUT SATAN…..COME OUT…LET JESUS ENTER…
    but Jesus never came…never showed…

    up-n-down…
    blue…
    mind changes in a moment’s notice…
    elation…
    terror stricken…
    back to blue…

  • New York…New York…

    March 28th, 2017

    New York…New York…
    i’m a fool…
    should never have kissed you…
    never held you into the night as you cried…
    should’ve left you long ago…

    listened to your rants at 2 in the morning…
    on subway cars going Uptown…past Jackson Heights….into the Bronx….
    and you wailed and you wailed and you wailed…muttering ’bout….
    no-one ever said life was fair…

    watched men in dark alleys taking a beating for you…paying their penance while you laughed and called them clowns…
    saw your cruelty in midnight diners where beggars gather for a cup of joe…pennies scraped…

    took my love…the cost of a broken heart…left me to die at Mainchance…Olivieri…the castle in Brooklyn…Bellevue on 1st Avenue…
    wallet stolen…pocket change spent on $ slices …broken ribs…bruised ego…i stuck-up for you…

    New York…New York…
    i’m a fool…
    should never have kissed you…
    never held you into the night as you cried…
    should’ve left you long ago…

    your pixies dance in Washington Square…
    junkies doing jigs at Union…
    pimps hustling at the Port Authority…
    the taste of porn is still in my mouth…put there by you as the sun peaked through and the sidewalks were washed from the sins of the night before…and the children cry out in Gotham for one more fix…just one…

    never should have kissed you…
    never held you into the night as you cried…
    but…i did…i did…
    crawling back again and again and again…
    New York…New York…
    my love was always true…
    and you knew that…you knew that…

    the lovers you have had…
    fools…

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