wait for…
want…
keep this time…
why…
left so long ago…
wasted on youth…
should’ve put you in my pocket…
bubble gum…knife…housekeys…
there was room…
and i threw away happiness…
tossed aside joy…
for what…for what…
a few dollars more…
mere change…
a girl sacrificed…
one more chance…
make things right…
this i beg…
wait for…
want…
keep this time…
where you at….
here pop…
where…
here…at the coffee shop…
thought you were in ‘lanta…
no dad…right here…
I’m confused….you’re not in ‘lanta…
nope…
when are you going to ‘lanta….
not pop….
where’s mom…
she’s not with us anymore dad…
she go to ‘lanta…
no dad…
oh….
and classical music plays…
piano…cello…violin…
walking past Asian groceries…Mexicans…
i keep walking…
bus heading to Chicago…
another enroute to Cincinnati…
strip bars…taverns…an old record shop…
i keep walking…
people outside hotels smoking…
bankers fly-by…cups of coffee in hand…
lawyers on cellphones…salesmen text…
i keep walking…
egg sandwiches…
onions fill the air…
beggars begging…
i keep walking…
old beat-up taxies…
green turns to red…
church bells sound…
i keep walking…
a bronze General…
empty fountains…
junkies curled-up in concrete corners…
crazies talking and mocking…
i am home…
autumn has passed…
leaves swept away…
the sound of lawn-mowers…
auburn piles sprinkled on a yellowed green…
those left behind…whithered…
their colors i miss…
reds golds yellows olive….
rustling sounds of rakes in frontyards…
children laughing…
dad’s sneak a beer…
we would drive in-search of fall’s new hues…
bare branches were found…
other limbs full…lush…
the wind did it’s job…
scattering….
not a word was said…
car purred…
milage tickin’…
Bill Evans played…On Green Dolphin Street…
an occassional sigh…
you ‘member that fire…,you said…
yes…i do…
whole damn forrest burned to the ground…
it did…
yep…it did…can’t escape death….
no pop…you can’t escape death…
alone…
away…
trying to remember…what was her name…
looking-out windows…
this world has changed…
his life settled…
for what…for what…old blankets…
looking-out windows…
tired…
long-time from peace…
tranquility lost…
looking-out windows…
and dishes pile-high…
water never flowed…
Pepsi cans ‘ round a room…
looking-out windows…
mumbled blame tossed…
her fault…
she’s gone…gone…
looking-out windows…
nothing matters…
57 years…
too-soon…
looking-out windows…
had a dream…you’d taken off for Tennessee…went away without permission…you know…you gotta ask ’bout things like that…
no pop…didn’t know that…
you were in this jam ’cause you didn’t have any money and the cops were on to ya…
oh yea…
you know why the cops were onto ya…
let me guess…you called them…
damn right I did…not gonna steal my car…you were tryin’ to trade it in on some Dodge…
was…
you was….that’s how they caught ya’…you were gonna trade my Ford Tauras in on an old Dodge…guess you just wanted to get rid of it…
guess so…this was a dream pop…
yea…where’s the car…
out front…
give me the keys…
and the air was real cool that night as i walked through town…past strip bars…honkey tonks….used car lots…the roads were dark…lit by headlights…i was real jealous ’cause the car was back in dad’s hands…back in the hands of a crazy man…
boy get in…,dad pulled-up beside me…opened the door…he smelled like Old Crow….
where ya’ goin pop…
Texas…headin’ down there to pick me up a seniorita…
oh yea…
you wanna go or not…
sure…
and we drove into the night…down 69…to 55….interstates and highways…backroads….
never made it to Texas….
he woke-up …
power lines droop over cracked alleys…
kid on a tricycle pedals fast then slow…fast then slow…brmmm…..brmmm….his engine moans…lips stammer…
get over here…,the pot-bellied father says…,now…,opens a beer…throws away the tab…,boy…where you goin’…where you goin’…,he ain’t goin’ nowhere pop…nowhere…
and the gray gravel kicks up dust as diesels groan down Calhoun…running redlights…blowing horns…dad’s yellin’ at that kid again….,get over here right now…,the tyke laughs…he’ll get his…
i watch from up above…thinking could’ve should’ve would’ve….skin aches for a cleansing…gut isn’t still no-more…
and that glorious sun in the west sets for another evenin’ on a neighborhood without pride…a corner-lot where fights have been fought…hookers apply a trade…muggers mug…
a kid rides his tricycle….
train blows…
‘Trane wails…
darkness becomes light…
these nights…
train groans…
‘Trane moans…
rocks thrown by a lonely kid…
sun peaks through gray…
train rumbles..
‘Trane rattles…
the soul stirs…
listen…
train creaks…
‘Trane speaks…
stacatto notes…
bop bop bop bop bop…
train whistles…
‘Trane gives Acknowledgement…
old prayers lifted…
peace…
a canvas bag…
anti-psychotics…
butcher’s knife…
Williams’, Paterson…
soiled underwear…
black tee…
holey socks…
Williams’, Paterson…
lip balm…
love letters…
Brute…
Williams’, Paterson…
rosary beeds…
rubbers…
pictures of you…
Williams’, Paterson…
quiet…
hum of a heater…
winter has settled…
only ashes remain…
is there someone in the backroom…
no dad…
mom’s not back there…
no…
the Old Testament sits on the table…
Yankee Candle…
Indian blankets cover torn chairs…
he’s waiting for you…
she’s not with us anymore…is she…
no dad…
didn’t go to the store…
no…
pictures of Amish kids playing…
baskets on counters…
a vase…
old sausage grinder…
where’d she go…
gone dad…
gone…
passed-on…
dogs silently wait by a closed door…
closed blinds…
tis morn…
the sun waits…
shame…
yes dad…
she’s left…
yes…shame…
dryer buzzer sounds…
clock ticks…
small light blinks…
day begins…
I’m ready…
for what dad…
to see her…
can you wait…
quiet…
hum of a heater…
winter has settled…
only ashes remain…
no…
can’t hold-out…
don’t wanna…
goodbye dad…
dmseay 