dmseay

This world, he said. Keeps spinning and spinning around. A round ball out there in space, among other round balls, he lit a cigarette. And they say all this was created by a god, a deity. They say we were created by a higher power. Created, we live, and then we die. Right? Randy nodded his head. Orange sparks flew above them. The wood crackled. He stirred the embers with a long hickory stick.

Look at you, Randy said. Getting all philosophical.  Talk of God and creation, he opened a beer. Tomorrow we fish.

We’ll have five loaves and two fishes, both men laughed.

Yeah. Something like that, Pete drank from a canteen. And we’ll turn this water into wine.

Right.

The fire started to die down. Lanterns lit the campsite. A shooting star was seen.

Should we follow?

What? Randy asked.

The star. Maybe take us to the newborn messiah.

Nope. We’ll just end up on the other side of the Ouachita.

Their bedrolls were spread out in the tent. Lanterns were turned down.

The sun will be up soon, Pete told him. We’ll fish at day break.

A coyote howled. 

Cats cry in the alley. An old drunk stumbles home. Trashcans overflow. Neon lights in widows blink. Meters expired.

I sit in my window frame, watching night pass into morn. Slowly, streetlights fade as the sun comes over dark clouds; purple and orange skies like rainbow sherbet begin to melt.

An ambulance runs down Clark Street; firetruck follows. Sirens sing out. Jimmy Smith plays the Hammond B3 on the radio.

My day begins.

There’s a good chance you might be right, he said. This might be your lucky day. You feel like lucky? he asked.

She looked at him. A cold draft blew through the trailer. They both sat on the couch wrapped in blankets. Coffee cups on the table.

What is luck? Something we conjure up? He laughed. Are we born with it? Where’s mine? she asked. Sitting here in a metal shack with you. Not knowing what’s going  to happen from one day to the next. Might not ever wake up. Just fall into a deep sleep known as death. So. I’ll ask again. What is luck?

It’s a gift, he said. A gift from God. He said that no matter how hard it gets, I’ll never put you through nothing you can’t handle. He said that. You can look it up.

What’re we going to do? she asked him. No money. No job. No car. It’s  three degrees outside. We can’t make a move.

Right.

And you’re asking if I feel lucky. No. No, I do not, she told him. We don’t even have a TV that works. Stupid radio. A radio. That’s as high tech as we get, she stood up and towered over him. When was the last time you paid a bill?

I’m protecting you as best as I can.

From what?

The devil.

Sure are doing a great job.

God said the meek shall inherit the earth. He said that. You can look it up.

I’ve inherited nothing, she yelled.

OK. Calm down. This screaming ain’t going to make it any warmer.

The devil. God. These are made-up stories.

You don’t believe?

No. I do not believe.

Got to have faith.

No. I got to have a cup of coffee.

He’s winning.

Who?

Lucifer. You’re letting him win. He stood up and placed his arms around her in a tight squeeze. Are you going to let him win? He held tighter.

I can’t breathe.

Are you going to let him win? He wrestled her to the ground, both hands on her neck. Are you? Are you?

Her body fell limp. He laid her down on the dirty carpeted floor and poured himself a cup of coffee. Nothing but grounds from three days ago.

He wrapped the blanket around him and sat back down on the couch. A cold draft blew through the trailer.

You shot him?

I shot him.

You saw him go down?

Yeah.

Felt his pulse?

He’s dead. Trust me.

Where’s the body?

Out in the woods.

You just left it there?

He’s in a hole covered with dirt and leaves. I packed it down.

How far did you dig?

Five. Six yards.

How long did it take you?

Awhile. I didn’t time myself. As fast as I could. The job is done.

Right.

The two men looked at each other. They could see their breath. Heard dogs barking.

He had it coming.

Yes. I told him. No doubt about it.

I didn’t even give him time to pray. Shot him in the back of the head. He never saw it coming.  Probably didn’t feel it. Just dropped to the ground.

He knew. Knew it was going to happen.  Men sense these things. He knew it from the beginning. Back when he was a kid, he dreamt about it. He knew.

Did you know?

Not till God told me.

Yeah.

God said to Abraham, Kill me a son. Abe said, God, I’ve only got one. God told him, Just get the job done. Bury him out on Highway 61.

The two men drove through town in silence. Johnny Cash was on the radio singing a gospel song. It was Sunday morning.

(Inspired by Bob Dylan’s Highway 61.)

That was your plan? he asked. That’s what brought you to Vermont?

In a roundabout way, yes. I just took off. Had no idea where I would end up. Still don’t. 

Living out of your car?

Yeah. I park it on College Street every night in front of the library. He sipped his beer.

Do you work?

No. I did. I was a journalist. Wrote for papers in Chicago and Virginia outside of D. C.

And you just quit?

Yeah. I just stood up in my cubicle one day and said, I quit. Both men laughed. Then I took off. Left my wife and home behind. Just drove north on I95. Hung out in Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia, New York, Boston, a little bit of Maine, drove till I couldn’t drive anymore. Drove straight to this barstool. Spending my last few dollars on a beer.

What’re you going to do?

Don’t know. Right now, I’m going to enjoy the comforts of middle-class America and act as though nothing is wrong.

You’re a trip, man.

Yeah. Sure.

I’ll buy you a beer.

That would be appreciated. 

They clanked glasses. Here’s to freedom. Welcome to Vermont.

I’ll drink to that. 

Are you tired? she asked.

Yes, he said.

Go lay down. I’ll get you a blanket.  I got one of those soft comforters. I also got a pillow. Bought it off one of those infomercials you see on TV. I was up late, and I thought, what the hell? Next thing you know, I’m on the phone with my debit card. Cost me $34.99. Plus shipping and handling. Do you stay up late watching TV?

No, he answered. I don’t. Go to bed around ten.

I see. Why is that?

That’s the time we go to bed.

Oh yeah. I forgot, she said. He held up his wedding ring finger and dangled it in front of her.

I don’t want to talk about it.

OK. You brought it up.

I suppose.

I’m just trying to make conversation. 

I know. I guess. I don’t know. Maybe I should leave. I’m sorry.

I understand. 

Yeah.

Just leave the money on the counter.

Sure.

I watched the old, fat couple eat at the Chinese buffet. They were silent. Both of them sat there chewing on fried wonton, egg rolls, mushy rice, and teriyaki chicken sticks. They’d finish a plateful and go back to the steaming hot table for more like trained dogs. Oriental music played in the background.

After sitting for ten minutes, I approached the royal buffet as well. I could hear the old couple blowing their noses and coughing. They went back to chewing in quiet.

I brought my stash back to the booth. Again, they sneezed, coughed, and farted. I stared at my plate, looked up, and walked away from it.

The cashier offered a fortune cookie. I broke it in half. The message said, better times are ahead for you.

This made me laugh.

He didn’t listen to anyone. Particularly when it came to women. We told him time after time to let her be. Just leave her alone. She’ll come around. But he couldn’t follow instructions.

They met in church; where all good Christian people meet. We were all in Sunday Bible class together. Learning what the good book says about salvation instead of works, having faith in trying times, the importance of matrimony. He was all about that last one I mentioned.

The importance of matrimony? the detective asked.

Yeah. That one. My wife and I told him it’d come someday. He’d find the right woman and settle down. And he thought he’d found her there at church. Tall brunette named Tammy.

Tammy Henderson?

Yep. That’s the one.

Had crush on her?

You could say that.

She was last seen with Mr. Summers. People said they saw them at Hank’s over on Main Street that night before she went missing.

Sounds about right.

So they dated.

I wouldn’t call it that. She felt bad for him. So she went out with him as a friend. I think he was confused about that.

How?

He talked like they were about to get married. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Did he ever mention doing any harm to her? Hurting her?

Nah. Never did. But I guess some folks have that tipping point. Go over the edge when they’re told no.

And he was told no?

Yes.

Tammy talked to my wife about Vince. Said he was driving her nuts. Sounds like Vince. Said she told him they were just friends. Fellow soldiers in the Lord’s army.

Would you say she led him on?

I don’t know. She never lied to him.

Thanks for coming in.

Yeah. Terrible  thing. I hope you catch him.

There, he said. Look there. Behind that tree. Two logs making a cross, dad said to his son. Go on. Look.

The boy took his shovel and walked behind the tall oak. Two crossed logs laid on the ground. Leaves of different colors covered the area around it. He looked back at his dad.

Go on, the father said. Move that wood and start digging. Dad took out his Thermos and took a swig of coffee.

He swept the leaves out of the way. Began digging in the cold ground. The son got on his knees and began picking at the dirt with a small ax. Dad lit a cigarette. A mist began to fall.

Here, dad said. Get out of the way, he tapped his son on the shoulder and began digging. Deeper and deeper, he went into the earth until he hit a wooden box covered in clay and mud.

Is that it? the boy asked.

Looks like it.

It was a small container with the initials KS on it. Dad picked it up and brushed it off. He held it tightly in his hands and opened it up. The ashes were still inside.

When did she die?

Shortly after you were born.

How?

She had cancer.

Why didn’t you tell me till now?

I don’t know. Didn’t want you to think about it. Didn’t want you to know.

So you made up stories.

Some. Your mom was in the hospital. That much was true.

But, she never left you.

No. She never did.

Should’ve told me, dad. I could have handled it. You said she left us. Said she moved on.

She did.

What’re you talking about?

Mom went to heaven. 

Heaven’s a lot different than Amarillo.

They laughed. Do you want to bring her home? dad asked. Sit her up on the mantle?

I’d rather leave her here. Out in the woods. It’s peaceful here.

The two placed the wooden box back in the hole, packed the dirt down, and placed the logs in a cross back on top of her plot.

That’s what she would have wanted.

Pandas on television. Imported from China. Eating bamboo sticks. Frolicking in the snow.

Wildfires in Los Angeles. Ten people dead. Not enough water. Palisades is no longer.

A college football game brought to you by Disney. The contest is called an instant classic. We’ll wait for the ratings.

Snow all day today. One to three inches. Lock the doors. I’m not leaving.