dmseay

I’ve never been one for self-promotion. However, that being said, yesterday, I wrote short story number 2,000 on my website dmseay.com.

It started in 2016 when I was homeless in New York. I started writing about the city using no punctuation. I was experimenting with language about poverty, race, and America as a whole. I had no idea back then it would take me to what I’m writing about today; relationships, leaving, death, life in the Midwest, and still, America.

Two thousand stories and four published books later, I feel lucky to still be alive and doing what I love on a daily basis; writing. Thanks to the few who read my work and buy my books. Here’s to two thousand more.

Tennessee pines. Tall oaks. Hickory wood burning. They sat by the fire on a cool autumn evening. Both of them counted their blessings. It had been a while since the two of them had prayed to their lord. He had just gotten through cancer. And she had helped him along; in the bathroom with him when he was throwing up, putting blankets on him, holding him when he needed to be held. They had survived.

And now they sat in these woods. Quiet. Every once in a while, an owl would hoot, some deer would run, the trickling of water from a nearby stream; peaceful.

They said their prayers out loud so that the other could hear. Man and wife said goodnight. He kissed her on the forehead. Ginger hair pulled back in a bun. Dreams were on their way.

He had this vision. A day of peace worldwide. No armies fought. Missiles would not fire. Handshakes on battlefields. The old man slept with a smile on his wrinkled face.

She dreamt of a black horse on a beach. Running. And she was riding it bareback. A voice kept calling her name. His voice.

And he was dressed in white. Standing on a rock. Feet in sandles. She came to him. They held each other and said goodbye. She told him, I’ll see you in the next life. He nodded his head.

The next morning, the fire had died out. Ash laid in the dirt. She unzipped her sleeping bag and kissed him on the cheek. He did not wake up.

What is this trap we fall into all the time? We’re like kids down by the river at midnight. Out past curfew. Snuck past our parents sleeping in easy chairs. Staying out under stars, making love till the morning dew comes.

I don’t know, she said. Looking at you, I want to believe. Believe in our love. But, then something happens.

It all falls apart, he said. You look at me a certain way. Say the wrong thing. I take off.

Don’t see you for days.

Some bender over in Ohio. Hanging out in bars. Looking for someone to replace you. But I can never find her. That woman doesn’t exist. She’s just a dream. You’re a dream.

Sure I’m not a nightmare? she asked. It’s hard to say goodbye. Hard to watch you walk out that door. But I do. I hear the truck start up. See you pulling out of the driveway. The headlights shine inside the front room. And, I just sit here waiting. The whole time. Just waiting on you to come back home. It’s not fair. What you do to me is not fair.

I was going to say the same thing, he said. He lit up a cigarette. Tossed the match in the over-filled ashtray. Butts spilling out onto the table. At times I love you so much, I don’t know what to say. Don’t know what to do. We are those kids down by the river at midnight. And then, we’re my mom and dad. Fighting all the time. You hit me. I punch a wall. Drywall is getting expensive, they both laughed.

You can say that again.

Maybe it’s best if I take off for a while. Not just two or three days, but longer. Go somewhere. Find out what I’m looking for.

You can’t keep running all the time , she told him. She poured herself a whiskey. Hands were shaking. You’ll be gone for two months. You’ll come back here and what? Same thing. No. You leave this time it’s for good, they looked at each other.

Yeah.

Yeah. Make your choice.

He kissed her on the forehead. Brushed back her long blonde hair. Walked out the door. She watched as the truck pulled out of the driveway. Headlights blinded her. She poured herself another drink.

Paths in the woods. Old deer tracks leading down to a stream. Peaceful. Perfect for a burial.

The moon shined down on the man carrying the body over his shoulder. Wrapped in a blanket made by Navojos. Different colors. Red, green, yellow, aqua, weaved into a square with tassles hanging from it. Blood seeped through. The mother at home. Crying in her sleep.

They talked earlier that morning over coffee. The body lying on the floor. A small naked corpse. No hair. Bald as an eagle.

What do you want me to do? he asked. We can’t call anybody. They wouldn’t understand, the mother nodded her head. She took another sip of coffee and a drag from a cigarette. He poured whiskey into his cup. I’m sure you didn’t mean to do it, he said. It was an accident. Could’ve happened to anybody, this time, she shook her head.

No, no, no, no, she cried. I meant to do it. All the crying at two in the morning. The constant care. I didn’t love him. I resented him, she said. Look at what he did to my body. I couldn’t take it anymore, she yelled. Just couldn’t.

Shhh, he said. He held her to his chest. Quiet down. Just quiet down. I’ll bury him tonight out in the woods. By the stream. Then, we’ll leave. Start some place new. No one has to know.

No one?

No one, he walked over to the dead child. Placed his hands on his heart. He did not cry. The young husband wrapped the baby in the blanket and said, I’ll be back in a little while. Just sit there. I’ll take care of everything.

On his walk out to the woods, he prayed to the dark sky. Said words out loud to the shining moon. Forgive us. For we know not what we do. A dog barked as he headed in between tall pines and oaks. A shovel in one hand. A son in the other. We know not what we do.

The cactus has gone limp. Leaves touch the ground. Brown. Turning brown. Maybe not enough water. Maybe too much. Soil is ash. White. Looks like death. The death of a plant.

It used to have pink blooms. Stood erect. Stems reached for the ceiling. Now. Now it looks like an old man in an easy chair. Sprawled out. A can of beer on the table next to his cigarettes. Smoke rises.

Eventually, he’ll be buried. So will the cactus. Out in the backyard with the others who didn’t make it. Roses, tulips, irises, purple lavender, all killed from neglect, selfishness. Or, maybe it was just their time.

Sirens. Cops fly by. Ambulances respond. Some cars pull off to the side. Bums on Broadway search for cigarettes on the ground, in the trash cans, pennies pop up.

Old motel signs with torn neon letters. BBQ and fried fish joints on every other block. A black kid stands barefoot on the sidewalk. Mom yells at the child. She goes back to talking on her cell phone. Her hair in curlers.

A line of vehicles parked outside the food pantry. People waiting to be fed. Plasma deals only go so far. White chicks with bruised legs on a hot day show their goods. Walking along Broadway looking for another ticket to punch. Another score to settle.

Liquor stores where transactions are made. SNAP cards turned into currency. Gun shots go off. And again, we hear sirens. Cops come out of nowhere. Ambulances carry the dead.

And at the Greyhound station, a few lost souls wait to land in another town by morning. Different city. Same deal. Night falls.

Hello.

Yes.

It’s Jimmy.

Do you know what time it is?

It’s ten.

Two here.

Did I wake you?

You always woke me. You’d call from all over. Jackson, Shreveport, Indio, Bangor, calling at all hours of the night. Where are you?

California.

Where at in California?

Oakland. I wanted to see a baseball game.

There’s baseball in Cleveland.

I know that. Just wanted to hit the road.

How’d you get there?

Took a Greyhound. Saw some real pretty country. Haven’t been out West much. Farthest I ever got was Colorado.

You didn’t call me at two in the morning to tell me about your travels. What do you want?

Liz. I’m in a jam. I’m out here with no money. I spent it all.

On what?

Bus. Food. A hotel a couple of nights. I think I got a twenty left. I’ll pay you back on the first.

What happens on the first? Some kind of miracle?

SSI comes.

Do you understand the meaning of divorce?

Yes.

That means we’re done. You call me in the middle of the night with this crazy story. You’ve always had crazy stories. Taking off at all hours. Weeks without hearing from you. Or, knowing anything about you. Like you were a spy or something. Are you on your meds?

No. I’m not. They were making me fat. Making me sweat. A real unpleasant man to be around. There are other details, but I won’t get into that. I just need five hundred. And, I’ll pay it back to you. Every dime.

I gotta talk to Mark about this.

Who is Mark?

My boyfriend. We tell each other everything. A real honest relationship.

Where’s he tonight?

Don’t worry about him. Worry about yourself. Let me see how he feels about it.

You need his permission?

I’m getting off the phone now.

Wait. I’m sorry. You were the only person I could call about this. I need help.

Do you need to check into a hospital?

I don’t know.

Think you do.

Maybe.

Sound manic. Like that time, you called me from Pittsburgh. Saying all kinds of things. Crazy talk.

Right.

You been drinking?

Maybe a little. Not much.

You were sober for a long time. Least, that’s what you told me. Made-up stories. Lies. You told some whoppers.

Liz. I’m sorry.

I gotta go. This is your number?

Yep.

I’ll call you in a few days.

Sure. Thanks.

Goodbye Jimmy.

Goodnight Liz.

What’s left? he asked. Is there nothing? We didn’t come all this way for nothing, hands on his hips. That dry air. You can smell it. There’s got to be something. You just can’t do that to people. It’s not right, he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his front pocket. What do you think? she shook her head. Don’t you have any thoughts? We should’ve read the fine print, he lit up. Should’ve known it was too good to be true.

The two got in the pickup and drove around town. Passed the gas station that sold live bait. Drove on Main Street and went by taverns and diners. A couple of five and dime stores. No motels. It was getting dark. He parked the Ford on a side street and rolled down the windows so the cool night air could come through. They looked at each other and laughed.

We can always go back, she said. There’s no rule in admitting a mistake was made, she placed her hand on his face.

I wanted things to be different, he told her. Wanted to see America. The real America. You know. White fences. Trimmed shrubs. Hair cuts for ten dollars. Instead, we’re right back where we started from. Dusty streets. Graffiti on buildings. Parking lots. All towns are the same. There’s no difference between St. Louis and Gary. Both have been beaten down. This whole country has been beaten down, she ran her hand through his black hair.

On the corner, men were congregating with bottles of whiskey. A fire was set in a barrel. The smell of burning newspaper came through their vents. The men cursed and laughed. Pushed each other. Swinging wildly. Not a single punch landed. Just old men hitting air.

Let’s get out of here, he said.

Where we going?

Some other place. Wherever the road leads us.

The broom had not been used in years. Grease and dried up food stains decorated the stove. Beer cans all over the trailer. A dog outside on a chain.

He sat in his broken, easy chair talking to himself. Speaking out loud. Making predictions and prognosis. The old man knew he didn’t have long.

Beside him on the end table, a newspaper folded up, dated July 4th, 1986. There was a parade that day in town. Bands marched, a fire truck rolled down the street, cop cars turned on sirens. He was at that parade with his wife and son. They watched it all go by, sitting in folding chairs. Their picture was on the front page. Holding American flags. Wearing red, white, and blue tee-shirts with an eagle on them. He often looked at that picture.

You always wanted more, the old man said. Always unsatisfied. I could never do enough, he opened a warm beer beside him. You told me once I was lazy, speaking to the air. That’s not the way it was, he shouted. I paid the bills. Eventually. So what if we were behind. Everybody’s behind, he slammed his fist down on the arm of the chair. You wanna divorce? I’ll give you a divorce, he said. As soon as I finish this beer, he swigged it down. Then, realized he was alone.

A lava lamp sits on a coffee table. He sits, watching the colors move around, floating. The young man rolls another hand-made cigarette and pops open an Old Style. He hums Proud Mary while watching old TV clips of Creedence Clearwater Revival. The sound is low on the television. His father is asleep down the hall. Dishes are piled up in the sink. A mouse runs across linoleum tile. It’s two in the morning.

You still up boy? the old man asks as he stumbles to the living room. There is no response. The kid just keeps humming along to music on the TV. I said, are you still up? the old man looks in the refrigerator and grabs a piece of bologna. He opens kitchen cabinets. We got any crackers? Saltines? Boy pays no attention. Hey, the old man raises his voice. I’m talking to you. The son continues looking at the lava lamp. You know. You can get lost in that thing, the old man says, pointing at the colored water. Might not come back for days. Ain’t you got work tomorrow? The kid looks at him. Shakes his head. The music is now Paint It Black by the Rolling Stones. They both look at the television and then turn away.

Outside, a gun is fired. Shots ring out into the night. This sound is ignored. They’re used to it. Same crazy neighbors every night. Shooting guns and revving up trucks. Men are talking. They’re speaking about a revolution. A takeover of America. Make this country what it used to be. A Confederate flag waves under a floodlight.

You hungry? the old man asks. Kid continues looking at the yellow and red blobs floating. I said, are you hungry? he continues looking through cabinets. Wheat Thins? Who bought Wheat Thins? It’ll have to do, he says. It’ll have to do.

The gun shots have stopped. It is silent except for the humming of the son. The old man tears bologna in two and folds it on the cracker. The two men sit there. An alarm goes off down the hall. They both just sit and pay it no attention. The Fifth Dimension is singing on the television. The Age Of Aquarius is being sung. The trucks next door get louder. They spin their tires and take off. The lava lamp turns green.