dmseay

She was standing on the side of the road. Thumb out. Waiting. Looking for someone to give her a ride. Chevys, Fords, small compact cars passed her by. Maybe they were as worried about her as she was about them. Safety. It’s hard to come by on the side of a road in Oklahoma. Everyone’s got a gun. Except her. She just had some lipstick,blush,Juicy Fruit, and a twenty her mom gave her. Just before she died, her mom gave her a twenty. Said she couldn’t take it with her.

The Dodge was clean. Washed it before he hit the road. An old Dodge pickup. Blue and white. The rims shined. He was on his way to Los Angeles.Wanted to be a movie star. Like John Wayne. He could play a cowboy or a war hero. His resume said so. Had colored pictures of himself in various poses. They sat next to him in a big envelope. Dust kicked around. He rolled the windows up.

The girl smiled when she saw his truck. She stuck her thumb out even farther. Tired from walking. Cowboy boots are hard on asphalt. Her feet hurt. All of her did. Man she wanted that truck to pull over. She felt it in her bones that he would. She felt him.

But, like most men he passed her by. Left her there. Kept on driving. She sat down in the ditch. Put her jacket on the ground to lay on. And, as the Oklahoma sun went down, she dreamt. Dreamt of a man in a Dodge. Giving her a ride. She heard coyotes in the background. She slept with one eye open. She cried with the other one closed.

It was dark. Too dark for anyone to see her. She’d look like a ghost in the headlights. So, she just sat there. Looking at the purple sky of early morning.

The storm had come and gone. Outside, a blanket of snow, ice, blackbirds flying over head. He tore old pieces of wheat bread and threw them out in the covered yard. Later in the afternoon he would see birds eating his gifts. He’d smile.

With the sun peaking through clouds, he opened the window shades bringing in more light. He turned off The Price Is Right and just sat there. Sun beams pouring in on him. Drinking coffee.

He lit a cigarette and stood up. Walked to the kitchen and looked outside again. He thought of making snow angels like when he was a kid. His whole family would be outside making snow angels; sister, mother, dad, bundled up baby. All having a wonderful time. And then one day, the snow melted. No more angels.

This land is bare.

Bare and brown.

The death of summer happened some time ago.

Now it is winter.

Cold and blustery February.

Waiting for Saint Patrick’s bells to ring.

The longing for the lusty month of May.

Wanting to see green again.

She was thirsty for sunlight. It’d been dark for so long. Even during daytime the sun remained tucked away behind gray clouds.

The young woman traveled from East to West following what little light there was. Her old Ford pickup would get up to about seventy. She drove into night.

Stars would guide her. Small twinkling lights in the sky forming arrows, signs saying, This Way. Highway mile markers, billboards, gas prices, she passed em by. Seemed like her tank was always full.

West Arkansas going into Texas gets lonely at midnight. Radio kept the brunette company. She hummed along to country western songs blazing a trail. Running from something. She was always on the go. No destination. Just following stars.

And, morning purple came mixed with sherbet orange as she drove into Lubbock. She pulled the truck over at a rest area and looked east. Watched the sun glimmer a little. It was 5:42 in the morning. She felt at home.

She liked to watch cooking shows. Quick, easy recipes to cook at home for her husband of thirty years. She thought ingredients like curry, cardamom, and cloves were exotic. Tried her hand at hams, roasts, chicken cooked to perfection, various cream sauces. He always smiled.

The kids had left the nest a few years ago. This allowed her to be more adventurous. No more mashed potatoes and honey glazed carrots. Now she only cooked with vegetables in season; fresh herbs, bottles of wine. Her days of making meatloaf were over.

The grayish blonde tried everything to make her husband happy. Both in the kitchen and in the bedroom. She followed Jerry Hall’s directions; a chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. She thought her marriage would last forever.

One night she waited at the dining room table alone. His car had not pulled up in their long driveway, office phone unanswered, cell was dead.

She went out looking for him. Drove all over town. Down Main Street, on side streets, passed the liquor store, the golf greens, she drove everywhere. He was not to be found.

The Chevrolet was discovered a day later in a town over in Jasper County. Parked by a train station. He’d left without her. Gone with another woman, a younger model. The bank account had been dwindled down to where she had half. A note was found in his desk. I have to move on, the letter said. It is time, she cried.

The days of cooking gourmet were over. The days of pleasing him were done. She ordered a pizza.

Waiting for what? Coffee that drips slowly? Butter to soften on the counter for toast? The cats chase each other. Back and forth down the hallway at top speed. One jumps the other like a New York mugging. He cries then escapes. Meanwhile coffee continues to drip slowly. Butter softens on the counter.

Looking outside it is pitch black. No reflection of light on snow. There are no stars. The sounds of plows in the distance. I only hear the sounds of salt trucks and semis going down 41. Someone will jackknife. Bet your last dollar.

And, there is no sound of wind. It has died down. Leaving mounds of drifted snow behind. A man begins to shovel his driveway. Making blocks of heavy packed snow and ice then tossing them to the side. He uses salt for footing.

The coffee is ready. Butter has softened. The sun rises in the East. It is just another morning in February.

He decided to drive in the storm. Snow coming down. State plows out on 41 and 10. Backroads still untouched. Back of his pickup swung out a little.

The old man kept the radio on all news. Smoky voices telling him the worst was yet to come. Pure white. Windshield wipers couldn’t keep up. He pulled off to the side of the road. Opened a Thermos of coffee and turned off the engine. He just listened to silence.

Watched the snow fall at a rapid rate. Thought of his wife who was long gone. Died years ago in the winter. Curled up in bed and she was gone.

Snow reminded him of that night. The black skies and white flakes falling down. He sat there taking it all in for a good half hour. Meditated on it. Then started the Ford and moved on.

He spent winter days watching snow fall and reading Emily Dickinson. Thoughts of death; now that life had been lived.

Inches turned into feet then a yard. The old man would measure winter’s treasure each day with a wooden stick; standing in the backyard alone; planted there with the first snow fall.

Watched kids sledding on the nearby hill. Saw them building snow men. Carrots used for noses.

The old man waited for the end. But, inevitably, spring would come. Leaving death behind. Snow had disappeared. However, thoughts of Emily remained.

The pines out back were still green. They were always green. Sometimes brown needles would be strewn below on the ground.

Japanese maples lost their leaves back in October. Oaks, hickory, ashe, had gone through season’s autumnal cycle as well. He watched from his kitchen window. Saw bare trees of December. Thought of loved ones who have passed. Some were not loved; merely tolerated.

Every morning he’d meditate on thoughts of past. Wondered, as his end drew near, if he’d be judged by his wild youth, or, his calmer years of being settled down?

The women, drinks, schemes, Friday night bar fights, the loans that never got paid back, the lies, all these sins, his wild years, would he pay for those?

The good book says his sins were paid for at Calvary. Said Christ had set him free. If only he would ask. And, that’s something he could not do.

His wife of forty-five years asked him to believe. To reach out for God’s son. He told her he’d wait. Just like the trees for death. And wait, to be reborn.

These fields are empty. Brush on top of snow. Salted roads. Gray skies. It is the Midwest.

A deer carcass lay atop Highway 30. Off to the side of the road, his head faces east. Towards the bare trees. He almost made it.

There’s various plates amongst the cars and semis. Ohio, Wisconsin, New Jersey, Florida, all heading towards Chicago. Chicago, used to be a mecca for travelers. Now it’s just another Midwest town falling. And, it can’t get up.

Detroit, Cleveland, St. Louis, the whole region drifting towards nothing. No more surprises. Just gray skies above.

It is winter.