dmseay

He was afraid of her…scared ’cause she kept quiet…the woman had no fear when it came to keepin’ secrets…and she wasn’t afraid to leave him either…he knew that…

She’d taken off on him a couple of times before…went down South for awhile…didn’t call for weeks…left him wonderin’ what the hell had happened to her…no arguin’…no cursin’…just one day she was gone…flew away like a bird at winter time…went down to Georgia or Florida…one of them places…maybe it was Arkansas…he figured as much…she never told him…

It was the middle of the night and the winds outside blew constantly…thumpin’ on the tin shed out back…he woke up and looked at her lying next to him…thinkin’ ’bout her silence…so many times he wanted to ask her where she’d been…knew the woman wouldn’t say… and he began to think that it truly wasn’t any of his concern…began to doubt their vows of honesty to each other…figured he should just be grateful for havin’ her next to him on this night…that’s what he thought…

And then the second time she took off out West…wound up in Reno…or Bakersfield…again…she didn’t talk…just came home after a couple of weeks…silent…they’d stand at the sink after dinner washin’ dishes with no talk ‘tween ’em…just her handin’ him dishes like an assembly line worker…they’d turn on the television and sit there as the pictures flew at them…she liked to watch the cop shows…she’d hum along to the theme songs..but no words came from her mouth…

He knew what she was thinkin’…pretty soon she’d be gone again…just the way she was…

what do you make of it…

don’t know…could be anything…

looks like he took one to the neck…close range I’ll bet…maybe the guy just came up from behind and shot him right there in the back of the neck…shot in the back of the neck…can you imagine…not even lookin’ your killer in the eye…just all the sudden bam…you’re off to another life…heaven…hell…what ever you believe in…sent there by some killer that you didn’t even see…

not even time for forgiveness of sin…

no…no forgiveness…just killed on the spot…could’ve been thinkin’ ’bout some porn you watched the night before…might’ve just walked out of a massage parlor…no…no time for prayers…shot on sight by somebody who wanted you dead…people you owe money to…ex-wives…former friends…a drug deal gone bad…some random mad man out and about in the city lookin’ to kill whenever it strikes him…

you ever wonder what makes somebody kill a guy…what sins did he commit against this individual to make him stick a slug in him from behind…

takes a lot to kill somebody…

for some…for some…others they just do it for the fun of it…the sport…some guys don’t need a reason to kill…its just in their blood…just what they do…

yeah…I see that…I see that…

Cop cars pulled into the parkin’ lot ’round midnight…she was lying face down in the gravel…mumbling incoherently…some kind of talk ’bout vengence…some man who’d kicked her out into the streets…it was cold outside…

Roll over…,the officer said as he shined the flashlight over her fat body…,Roll over I said…, he repeated…his partner standin’ over her…, Say what’s your name…come on now tell me your name…, the woman just laid there…gutteral moans…continued talkin’ to herself…

You could hear the train go by in the distance…he stood outside smokin’ a cigarette and watchin’ the cops tryin’ to get this woman up off the ground with words…just words…,I need ya to roll over so I can see your face…can ya do that for me…,the policeman continued shinin’ the light at her…,Come on now…roll over…, she made half hearted attempts as the train wailed and the cops grew more impatient…

You can’t sleep out here…,the man in blue said…,We need to get you to the hospital…you wanna go to the hospital…come now…where do you live…are you out here on the streets…,she lifted her gritty blonde hair off the tiny rocks…side of her face imprinted with pebble marks…,Can you say somethin’…, the woman looked up into the light…

Why you two starin’ at me…, she squinted…, Don’t you have anything better to do…, cop shook his head…said no…

And the train whistle wailed some more…he kept lookin’ at her on the ground and the cops…he was the one who called ’em…guessin’ he felt guilty ’bout somethin’…the man just stood there starin’…maybe a long time ago he’d kicked a woman out of his place…maybe she came back in a drunken stupor to look for him…maybe…he checked his phone and went back inside the boarding house…leavin’ her and the cops behind…

I don’t wanna go to no hospital…, the lady screamed out at the two officers…,I’ll be alright…this is where I live…this is where I belong…

You live in that house…

No…I live out here in the streets man…

Well…come on now…let’s get you inside that car over there so you can get warm…how ’bout that…

OK…but no hospital…I don’t like needles…

We’ll see…we’ll see…

The two cops lifted the woman in soiled clothes and placed her in the squad car…her face was pressed against the glass as they drove off…

A train whistle wailed…

dogs barked all night long…gun shots too…they seemed to be interspersed…some beasts would howl at the moon and as soon as they was done you’d hear them guns go off…it was like one effected the other…dogs scared of gun shots…men afraid of wild dogs…both of ’em ran in packs…

and there was voices…crazed Southern talk goin’ back and forth amongst men…they didn’t even bother whisperin’…just talked to one another like they was killin’ time or somethin’…weren’t worried ’bout bein’ heard…

they were out there…man and beast…carryin’ on like an old married couple…arguin’ with gutteral growls and bullets bein’ shot into the air…don’t know if the men were particularly tryin’ to hit anything…raccoons…coyotes…not sure…they just liked to hear their guns go off…

sun came up and there was no more gun fire…no more dogs barkin’…men had stopped talkin’…stopped shoutin’ at each other…it was just a silence…a dead quiet in the mornin’ fog…

was I dreamin’…

Nobody knew what she wanted…she didn’t know what she wanted…came up with these crazy dreams of bein’ a Hollywood movie star…used to stay in her room all evenin’ starin’ into the mirror…recitin’ speeches…a long list of thank you’s spoken out on cold rainy days…haze in her room made it look like a black and white film…she thought she was Betty Davis…or Gloria Swanson…never quite knew who she was…

And she’d stare into that mirror and put on eye liner…brush her long brunette hair…try different dresses on …wanted to see which color went best with her green eyes…her ivory white skin…red lipstick…she’d apply plenty of make-up…try to cover up pimples and blimishes…

Never came out of that room…’cept to go to school…wasn’t her favorite thing to do…didn’t like leavin’ her fantasies behind for the whole day…just wanted to stare into that mirror…that’s all she wanted…

Can’t say that I blame her…

where you’re standin’…’bout right there…,the young man told the sheriff…,that’s where he shot him…right there…saw the whole thing…my car was parked ‘hind those trees over there you see…,he pulled off his John Deer hat and scratched his head…

what were you doing out here in the middle of the night…,law man asked…,was ya with anybody…by yourself…,the farmer shook his head…rubbed his blue eyes…

couldn’t sleep…decided to just come out here and smoke a cigarette or two…had a cup of coffee…insomnia…have trouble at night sometimes…

I see…,the old cop nodded…,well…tell me what you saw…or…what you think you saw…you saw it go down right…

yessir…whole thing…

start to finish…

well…saw two men arguin’…cursin’ at each other…callin’ one another names…

what were they arguin’ ’bout…

couldn’t tell ya…

go on…then what…

the black man pulled outta gun and pointed it at him…told him he wasn’t messin’ ’round no more…

you heard him say that…

yep…

how tall was he…

short…it was dark…couldn’t tell ya much…just all the sudden…pow pow pow…three shots…one knocked him down…fired the other two standin’ up over him…

what’d you do…

I froze…

bet you did…

never seen anything like it…never ever saw anything like it ‘fore in my whole life…

think he saw you…

naw…he took off in his old truck after he shot him…

drove a truck…

yeah…

dark colored one…

anything special ’bout it…

nope…just a truck…just drove off real fast…that’s when I went back home and called you guys…reported it…never seen anything like it…

you don’t know what they were arguin’ ’bout…,law man took out a piece of gum…,tryin’ to quit smokin’…cases like this don’t help…don’t know what they was yellin’ ’bout…

nope…

well…it’s one of three things…a woman…drugs…or money…maybe all three…

why you say that…

just usually is…usually is…

Got to be where it was too much…she’d just be tired all the time…and when she wasn’t tired she’d come up with these fantastical stories…the woman talked of dreams…her dreams that she confused with reality…

She spoke of bein’ the first woman to walk on the moon…talked ’bout orbiting Earth and talked ’bout taking pictures of Mars from a space ship…

There was also this talk of her havin’ a summit with Martians right here in Mississippi…said they came down in her back yard one night and they talked for hours…telling each other stories…she made ’em lemonade…

Towards the end she said she did a lot of things…said she wanted to run for president…said she could’ve won…who knows…

At her funeral she wanted to be remembered as a traveler…an explorer…course nobody knew quite what to say…stayed inside her house mostly…she’d drive up to the grocery store then come back home…

But…in her mind she’d been everywhere…in her mind she was an explorer…how could ya tell her she wasn’t…some things are best left alone…let a person believe what they want…

wasn’t hurtin’ nobody…

What was it ’bout him that you couldn’t see…somethin’ hidden…kept quiet…it’s like there was some deep dark secret ’bout him that nobody could figure out…he was invisible…

He kept things up his sleeve…tricks…ways of makin’ you feel like you weren’t gettin’ the whole story…knew he came up from Evansville…some place down south…he confessed to that much…

And he never let on ’bout his marital status…never wore a ring…hell…there’s a lot of men that don’t wear rings that’re married…peculiar type men who also don’t say much…these secrets they keep…

Used to ride ’round town in a white pick-up truck…was always haulin’ stuff…old copper pipes…aluminium cans…plastic bottles…pvc…anything he could get his hands on…he’d just pile it up and take it away…sometimes you’d see him in alleys ’round midnight…smokin’ a cigarette and lookin’ both ways…he was real mysterious…

Haven’t seen him ’round town in a while…he might’ve taken off to some where else…wouldn’t surprise me…guys like that don’t stay in the same place too long…

He laid in bed at night wonderin’ what happened to her…last he heard she took off with some salesman from Alberqurquee…came into town and swept her off her feet…made promises to her…that was years ago…

She just left everything behind…put some things in a big green Army bag…blouses…jeans…some bottles of perfume…a toothbrush…left her necklace behind…the one he gave her…a pretty silver one with wings stretchin’ out on it…said it looked cheap…

And he asked her where she was gonna sleep at night…said the salesman had an RV they’d live in while they drove ‘cross America…said he had gumption…somethin’ he lacked…said this could be her big break…

She talked like this was her chance to see America…get outta Chicota…see some big cities…some lights and skyscrapers…thought if she could get to Hollywood she’d end up in a movie…that’s what she thought…what she wanted…

He’d lay there thinkin’ ’bout what happened to her…went to the movies everytime a new one came to town…she wasn’t in any of ’em…he was just wishin’…wanted to see her one more time…just once more…

So he started buyin’ these fashion magazines thinkin’ maybe she’d show up in one of ’em…he’d buy one every two weeks when he got paid…different ones…cut out pictures that caught his eye…tape ’em to the walls of his trailor…she never showed up…not a single photograph of her…he was sure she’d disappeared…

He laid in bed at night wonderin’ what happened to her…last he heard she took off with some salesman from Alberqurquee…

It was three o’clock in the mornin’ and these advertisements for the Presbyterian church downtown kept comin’ on the television…it’s like they knew sinners would be up at this time…like they knew I’d be up at this hour…

Watched infomercials on the latest and greatest pots and pans to ever be created…all for three payments of $39.99…almost couldn’t resist…

But…it was the commercials for the church that really drew my attention…this woman pastor said…,Come to question your faith…by questioning we grow…,she was wearin’ a turtle-neck…had a short haircut…she looked like a minister…looked like someone who could save my soul…

I was raised in the Southern Church of Christ…it was there that you weren’t allowed to question…sang songs to a pitch-pipe…drank grape juice and ate crackers at communion…gave ten percent of your paycheck and called it a day…small nets were cast down the pews to collect money…they were fishin’ for gold…

Back to the infomercial…the deal came with a free air fryer…place a little oil in the bottom of it and the thing would fry your chicken…egg rolls…pizza bites…jalepeno poppers…you name it…with air…takes grease out of your way…sure was tempting…

Then the ads for the Presbyterians came back on…and those words…question your faith…I’d questioned my faith all my life…questioned everything…faith…parents…man on the moon…who shot JFK…women’s motives…maybe this church was the right place for me…maybe…

Only one thing was settled that night…the air fryer’s on it’s way…