dmseay

how many times do we look at this picture…
dark empty streets…wooden A-framed houses…a church…a trashcan…

streetlights hovering in a yellow hue…outlined trees sway in a summer breeze…parked cars…old Fords…pick-up trucks rusted…bumpers tilted…

stop signs ignored…a hurry to get home…a moped scurries down the alley…bicycle theifs…

and i look at the clock…sleep will not come…not tonight…nor tomorrow…the next…tis always a long day’s journey into night…a night that does not weep for the whore…the hungry…the lonely…the lovely losers who dream and scheme in midnight’ s hour…

how many times do we look at this picture…dark empty streets…wooden A-framed houses…a church…a trashcan…

lampshade glows…
a book of poems by Ted Hughes…
laundry detergent…
an empty wallet…
bottle of aspirin…

soul stirs in the middle of the night…
a train whistle wailing…
tumbled sheets…
an empty coffee pot…
books lost then found…a life lost then found…

two copper mugs…
wine glasses…
a ceramic cup picturing a snowy day…
Ulysses at my finger tips…
Tropic of Capricorn within reach…

rediscoveries of life…
forgotten items…
things taken for granted…
the darkness outside does not show light…
jazz is the constant…

old friends…
new ground…
life keeps going…
love remains…
and you are the reason…

wanting….always wanting…
never quite pleased were you…
was there a time when heaven was met…
when all was right…
or was it always a snuffed-out light…
longing for a fix…

and for you there was what…
suffering…
plagued by what cancer…
life outlined by death…
waiting…always waiting…
a thorn to be taken out…

well…pull it…
be done with it…
be gone…
make this your last…
and then you will see…
or…do you like pain…

wanting…always wanting…
never quite pleased were you…

no…no…never…

rain falls…
sounds…rhythm…

waited…
seated by a window…
comforted by beats…

streets glazed…
shine in darkness…

soaked nights…
drenched bodies…
soulful kisses…

and jazz played…
Kind of Blue…

thunder marched…
spoken words…
i love you…

those hours…
purple hours…

never again…
shh…
never again…

waiting for light…

so quiet tonight…
is the world at peace…
no guns going-off…
not a soul is stirred…

and it was this way after we made love…
you asleep…
a poem in my heart…
tranquil…solace…

trains whistle faintly…
passing cars sound like waves…
the hum of the fridge…
darkness of night…

these whispers go through me…
your ghost haunts me…
i cry…
it is never quite silent…

thoughts of past…
a heartache in the moment…
our journey ended…
was never to complete…

so quiet tonight…
is the world at peace…
no guns going-off…
not a soul is stirred…

is there silence in Syria…
time to reflect on a Middle Eastern moon…
Palestine…oh Palestine…what do you long for…
does Israel hear your call…

here I sit…
longing for you…
no bullets fly here…
the spoilings of melancholy…

down the hall she sits on a toilet…
cigarette dangling from bruised swollen lips…
a purple eye shines on white skin in the dark…

last night there was screaming behind closed doors…,motherfucker this motherfucker that…a couple of I hate yous and a I’m gonna put your nigger ass in jail tonight bitches…loudly spoken in the 3:30 a.m. festival of language production..starring Richard and Liz…

but now it is quiet…
her brunette hair nods back and forth…
wads of used toilet paper lay upon the floor…

smells of piss linger…moaning…snoring…waiting for her man to come home for act 2…battle royale…soon gangsta’ rap will speak…sounds of beer bottles being tossed aside…smells of fried food from the gas station…chicken fingers…jalepeno poppers…tornados smacked loudly as i long for sleep…

down the hall she sits on a toilet…
cigarette dangling from bruised swollen lips…
a purple eye shines on white skin in the dark…

waiting for her man to come home…

looking out windows through white blinds leaving lines on everything the eyes can see…lines on houses…shanties really…old abandoned cars up on concrete blocks…dumpsters overfilled with debris from paint stores…used car lots…Mexican joints…head-shops…these lines will not stop…trees are cut into sections…a church is dissected…

and i look down the alley to see lines through black boys playing basketball with a hung-up milk crate to a light-pole…homeless men picking up cigarette butts to burn…crack whores selling their leather bound bodies in the mid-day sun…who will buy…who will buy…

there are lines on birds chirping…skinny dogs barking…tom-cats calling…drunks weaving home from the midnight shift…only to awake in a matter of hours to do it all over again and again and again…

so i close these blinds…enough of these lines…done with the world outside…

i close these blinds and rest my eyes…

no more lines…

and i prowl these streets on my way to no- where…going past closed Vietnamese diners where old men watch young girls while eating Pho in the afternoon heat…past empty bars…dark inside…neons no-longer flash…salesmen downed shots during closing time rituals…women drank to fill empty hearts…i stammer past…past gay bars with doors open… kareoke belted out by old queens who cannot sing but long to be loved…we all long to be loved…

it is past midnight…all good children are in bed…dreaming of mom and dad…happy times with the family dog…vacations on lakeshores…birthday party pins on donkeys…pinatas struck a final blow…kids fighting for candy…

and i prowl these streets on my way to nowhere…going by closed carwashes and strip bars winding down to the last buck placed in a G-string…one last look at the breasts of Alley or Trix…or Shawntale or the old broad in the corner who still thinks she has the right stuff to make the men go mad and give-up the cash which they worked so hard to get…gone in an instant…poof….

there are homeboys on corners dealing dime bags…whores walk the streets with winks and nods and half-hearted smiles that go right through you like this heat that makes you sweat like the jalepenos at the Mexican joint down the block where a man got shot just last week over an argument involving carnitas and being first in line…

cop cars cruise by at a slow pace with ambulances carrying off the elderly who fell into the big sleep…never to be wakened…their time done…they punched the clock to check out for good…no retirement…no gold watch…no pat on the back…just an eternal rest while spouses wait by the door hoping that it was all a dream…

and i prowl these streets…down darkened avenues…lights out…no longer will they shine…tennis shoes tossed over wires…wire-mesh doors creaking in the wind that blows to no-one’s comfort…as storm clouds gather under a full Moon…

and i prowl….i prowl…i prowl…

it’s 3 in the morning…
sweating like it’s 3 in the afternoon…
my belly aches…
a soul doing flip-flops…
the heart is sore…

we used to lay in comfort…
air-conditioned condtioning…
nothing was wet…
no smells…
suburban fantasy…

and no gunshots were heard…
voices in the dark didn’t exist…
just streetlights on a culdesac…
a BigWheel left out on a driveway…
the hums of cooling units…

you were hardly naked…
XXX tee-shirts covered you…
People magazine on a nightstand…
you never read my poems…
said they made you think too much…

perhaps that was my downfall…
maybe i should’ve given-up the pen…
but then truth would’ve never been found…
the honesty of laying naked…
daggers that go through us…

it’s 3 in the morning…
sweating like it’s 3 in the afternoon…
my belly aches…
a soul doing flip-flops…
the heart is sore…

and i am at peace…

she was exposed…tight pink top you could see right through…leopard spotted bra…what early morning brings…

my gas tank’s on E…, the blonde said…,could you help me out…could ya’…, this i pondered…

what do you need…

just ‘nough to get me back to Bluffton…

you’re from Bluffton…

yessir…

lotta bluffs in Bluffton…

make it worth your time…,she licked her lips…it had been a while…

i see…,continued drinking coffee…eating a chocolate doughnut…avoiding the offer…

couldn’t help me out with just a quarter tank…,moved closer …ever so close…

honey i’m broke…besides…i’m in love…

oh yeah…

yeah…

does she love you…,she rubbed up against me like a cat wanting to be stroked…

no…no she does not…

’cause you’re a loser…,she cackled while pulling away…

yes…yes…i’m a loser…

pivoting back to her car the middle finger was extended high in the air pointing to the skies…,loser…loser…,she laughed more…

smiled…it was the best doughnut i’d had in a while…