what’d you make of this…
I don’t…
you don’t…
I don’t…
no opinion…
no…
mouth shut huh…
I said… mouth shut huh…
heard’ja…
how’d we end-up in this…this…
what…mess…jam…soup…
yes…
by being who we are…what we are…
right…
only explanation…
‘spose…
you think otherwise…something else…what…an occurrence…an event…
don’t know…
right…right…
do know this…didn’t happen overnight…this took time…effort…guys in the know…
sure…
always somethin’…
yep…always…always…
goodnight…
goodnight…
and here i am…after being in your arms…along-side…love does funny things…lovers do…lovers do…
jazz put us to slumber…tucked-away for night…kissed…kissed…go to sleep whispered…count backwards as piano fades…steal one last peck…
when shall we meet again…on what continent…in which dream…i am always close-by…awaiting…awaiting…a voice says Hello…i hear you…i hear you…
New York is in order…a walk holding hands…an embrace in Washington Square…this love-drunken babble…do i embarrass myself…do i…
a poet has nothing to lose…risk it all for a midnight stroll…a waltz down avenues past diners…gas-lit lanterns…cobble-stone streets…landmarks now marked as mecca where artists once gathered…greater crimes have been committed…
until next time my sweet…til next time…your picture placed with other secrets…shhh…
your words are safe with me…
you know what kind of guy doesn’t talk…those that don’t have to….
right…
this business…the out-maneuvering of this player…that dealer…all thinking what…
….um..
big shots…
yea…
all of ’em…
right…
not the time of day would they give you… nothing…and why is this…
….I gotcha….
’cause they don’t have to…your end is not needed…a lie will suffice…a manipulation…a slight…
ethics ..
ethics…toss those out the mother-fuckin window…
well…
what country do you live-in…what…
just sayin’….
no…don’t…stop…
look…
shhhh…enough…enough I tell you…
I hear you…
do you…am I clear…I will not repeat myself…
no…
can only hope you were listenin’…
yes…
tell me…
what…
what I just said…repeat it back to me…
what…like a code of honor…a rule of which we follow…
some balls…you got some balls…nothing has been learned…nothing…
guess not…
guess not …well fuck me…fuck me…
are you finished…
no…not…
what…
how much cash you got on ya’…
$40…
give me $20…no…fuck you…break the $20 and give me $25…fuck me no fuck you…
here…here…just take this…take it…
this’ll do…this will do…
we sat in Madison Square Park…looking at pigeons…dogs…people…Chester Arthur…questions asked…just questions…
how’d you end-up in Manhattan on Sunday’s eve… nothing to show…i did not answer…could not answer…
what’re you waiting-for…this life in peril…action needed…do something…i had no response…sat in silence…listening to Kathleen’s Theme…
is that all you’re going to do…have you given-up…my smile broadened… cried and cried and cried…piano keys played and a sax sung…Eddie Harris was at it again…
strange man…just strange…i responded within…yes…yes…it is strange to be at peace…how dare i…how dare…
and i looked at pigeons…people…dogs… Chester Arthur…
i was happy… happy…next song please…
he sits at the end of the bar…salting his beer…watching Wheel Of Fortune in silence…wishing…wishing…
a jukebox played Summer Wind…City workers hummed along…chasing shots with cans of Old Style…bottles of Bud…a day’s work done…tomorrow…and the next day and the next day and…
an old biddy bartender who got a lot of action in her time…dancing in jazz joints…casts an eye on us all…dinners bought and paid for…very little cost…a kiss…a peck…the heavy stuff would come later…her lovers were always postponed…
i sit…sip…lengthen the last drop…soon it will be time…soon…
to go back to a bed with book in hand…a light-bulb glares…instant decaf soothes…poetry pours from the page…filling me up…filling me up…
goodnight my sweet…goodnight…from miles away…goodnight…
remember the Seine…taking that covered boat through Paris with all those people snapping pictures…protected from February’s rains…protected…
no wine was drunk…coffee after coffee after coffee…maybe that was our problem…no chances taken…nothing foolish…God i want foolishness…
Paris should not’ve been clean…nor we…it does not suit lovers…nor poets…grime is needed…what romance is in perfection…
to go back to Paris now…without you…a clown uncleansed…taking risks…making love in cemeteries…breaking glasses in bars with the salt of the earth…prophets…con-men…whores and thieves…to breath again…again…
remember the Seine…taking that covered boat through Paris with all those people snapping pictures…protected from February’s rains…protected…
neither do i…
letters sent from far away…sealed with lipstick and lilac…poetry placed on page…for you…for you…
midnight messages from two souls longing to kiss…hearts on the line…fears tossed aside…what have we to lose…
monthly clandestine meetings in New York…D.C. …a pumpkin patch under harvest moon…until next time is whispered…next time…i’ll never tell…
an affair for life…a friendship felt in the gut where it matters… an ear open…always listening…always…
we should spend time laughing…loving…dancing the fool’s waltz into each season…it is only life…
i shall wait…
for it is love we want…
and nothing less…
in closets she would find me…hidden away…secret place…
written letters opened…never sent…censored…
accusations of impurities…constant fear…
fear of what…
of her…him…them…they…nothing…a fear of nothing….just…fear…
she confessed to me of a childhood trauma…made her what she was…scared…hiding behind any thing…all things…
she told you this…
she did…and these things are passed-on…these afflictions…these fears…
yes…
has to stop…
yes…
it is time…
walking-away…
away…
yes…
why…
principles…principles…not sound…never was…this …
what…
was needed…
needed…
yes needed…you got a better solution…something that works…put it on the table…go-ahead…placed before me…I’m open minded…
really…
yes…show me the goods…’cause right now…nothing…this is what we have…nothing…
I know…
nothing…this choice was made..it is not easy…is not…
I get that…
do you…the point of…
yes…
by walking away from this…
don’t…just don’t…
show-me something…anything…please…convince me…
of…
being in this…this thing which has become…
what…
I don’t know…
right…yes…
so…
just go…
go back…look again at this body…this work…reassess and reassess again and again and again…from a different perspective…new mind…374 pieces to go…
clean and clean and clean…get to the bone…dig-out fat…marrow…so good yet lousy at the same damn time…make your point please…
cut and cut and cut…process of elimination…leaving only a bare soul… exposed…naked…brutal…beautiful…horrific… angelic…much is there…
this song has begun…shall we waltz…
throwing-up on the page is easy…it’s the cleansing that’s hard…
dmseay 