dmseay

That was your plan? he asked. That’s what brought you to Vermont?

In a roundabout way, yes. I just took off. Had no idea where I would end up. Still don’t. 

Living out of your car?

Yeah. I park it on College Street every night in front of the library. He sipped his beer.

Do you work?

No. I did. I was a journalist. Wrote for papers in Chicago and Virginia outside of D. C.

And you just quit?

Yeah. I just stood up in my cubicle one day and said, I quit. Both men laughed. Then I took off. Left my wife and home behind. Just drove north on I95. Hung out in Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia, New York, Boston, a little bit of Maine, drove till I couldn’t drive anymore. Drove straight to this barstool. Spending my last few dollars on a beer.

What’re you going to do?

Don’t know. Right now, I’m going to enjoy the comforts of middle-class America and act as though nothing is wrong.

You’re a trip, man.

Yeah. Sure.

I’ll buy you a beer.

That would be appreciated. 

They clanked glasses. Here’s to freedom. Welcome to Vermont.

I’ll drink to that. 

Are you tired? she asked.

Yes, he said.

Go lay down. I’ll get you a blanket.  I got one of those soft comforters. I also got a pillow. Bought it off one of those infomercials you see on TV. I was up late, and I thought, what the hell? Next thing you know, I’m on the phone with my debit card. Cost me $34.99. Plus shipping and handling. Do you stay up late watching TV?

No, he answered. I don’t. Go to bed around ten.

I see. Why is that?

That’s the time we go to bed.

Oh yeah. I forgot, she said. He held up his wedding ring finger and dangled it in front of her.

I don’t want to talk about it.

OK. You brought it up.

I suppose.

I’m just trying to make conversation. 

I know. I guess. I don’t know. Maybe I should leave. I’m sorry.

I understand. 

Yeah.

Just leave the money on the counter.

Sure.

I watched the old, fat couple eat at the Chinese buffet. They were silent. Both of them sat there chewing on fried wonton, egg rolls, mushy rice, and teriyaki chicken sticks. They’d finish a plateful and go back to the steaming hot table for more like trained dogs. Oriental music played in the background.

After sitting for ten minutes, I approached the royal buffet as well. I could hear the old couple blowing their noses and coughing. They went back to chewing in quiet.

I brought my stash back to the booth. Again, they sneezed, coughed, and farted. I stared at my plate, looked up, and walked away from it.

The cashier offered a fortune cookie. I broke it in half. The message said, better times are ahead for you.

This made me laugh.

He didn’t listen to anyone. Particularly when it came to women. We told him time after time to let her be. Just leave her alone. She’ll come around. But he couldn’t follow instructions.

They met in church; where all good Christian people meet. We were all in Sunday Bible class together. Learning what the good book says about salvation instead of works, having faith in trying times, the importance of matrimony. He was all about that last one I mentioned.

The importance of matrimony? the detective asked.

Yeah. That one. My wife and I told him it’d come someday. He’d find the right woman and settle down. And he thought he’d found her there at church. Tall brunette named Tammy.

Tammy Henderson?

Yep. That’s the one.

Had crush on her?

You could say that.

She was last seen with Mr. Summers. People said they saw them at Hank’s over on Main Street that night before she went missing.

Sounds about right.

So they dated.

I wouldn’t call it that. She felt bad for him. So she went out with him as a friend. I think he was confused about that.

How?

He talked like they were about to get married. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Did he ever mention doing any harm to her? Hurting her?

Nah. Never did. But I guess some folks have that tipping point. Go over the edge when they’re told no.

And he was told no?

Yes.

Tammy talked to my wife about Vince. Said he was driving her nuts. Sounds like Vince. Said she told him they were just friends. Fellow soldiers in the Lord’s army.

Would you say she led him on?

I don’t know. She never lied to him.

Thanks for coming in.

Yeah. Terrible  thing. I hope you catch him.

There, he said. Look there. Behind that tree. Two logs making a cross, dad said to his son. Go on. Look.

The boy took his shovel and walked behind the tall oak. Two crossed logs laid on the ground. Leaves of different colors covered the area around it. He looked back at his dad.

Go on, the father said. Move that wood and start digging. Dad took out his Thermos and took a swig of coffee.

He swept the leaves out of the way. Began digging in the cold ground. The son got on his knees and began picking at the dirt with a small ax. Dad lit a cigarette. A mist began to fall.

Here, dad said. Get out of the way, he tapped his son on the shoulder and began digging. Deeper and deeper, he went into the earth until he hit a wooden box covered in clay and mud.

Is that it? the boy asked.

Looks like it.

It was a small container with the initials KS on it. Dad picked it up and brushed it off. He held it tightly in his hands and opened it up. The ashes were still inside.

When did she die?

Shortly after you were born.

How?

She had cancer.

Why didn’t you tell me till now?

I don’t know. Didn’t want you to think about it. Didn’t want you to know.

So you made up stories.

Some. Your mom was in the hospital. That much was true.

But, she never left you.

No. She never did.

Should’ve told me, dad. I could have handled it. You said she left us. Said she moved on.

She did.

What’re you talking about?

Mom went to heaven. 

Heaven’s a lot different than Amarillo.

They laughed. Do you want to bring her home? dad asked. Sit her up on the mantle?

I’d rather leave her here. Out in the woods. It’s peaceful here.

The two placed the wooden box back in the hole, packed the dirt down, and placed the logs in a cross back on top of her plot.

That’s what she would have wanted.

Pandas on television. Imported from China. Eating bamboo sticks. Frolicking in the snow.

Wildfires in Los Angeles. Ten people dead. Not enough water. Palisades is no longer.

A college football game brought to you by Disney. The contest is called an instant classic. We’ll wait for the ratings.

Snow all day today. One to three inches. Lock the doors. I’m not leaving.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, I’ve got a drink named after you. Grasshopper says, What?  Steve? The old man laughs at his own joke. He laughs hysterically. Everyone else in the pub is watching Jeopardy and calling out answers. The old man tells the bartender to pour him another. The beer is placed in front of him, and he adds salt.

A priest and a rabbi are in a canoe. The priest says to the rabbi, I’ll give you a dollar for your life jacket. The rabbi responds, I should be so lucky. What a generous offer….

Men in the bar turn and look at the old man. Shhh. Be quiet, they say. Shut the hell up, others tell him. Jeopardy is on.

Don’t you want to hear how it ends? The punchline?

Nooooo. Stop.

It’s a good one. The Jeopardy music for final Jeopardy begins to play. The old man yells out, Jonah. 

The patrons look at him. 

The answer is Jonah. Go on. Look it up. The minister’s sermon in Moby Dick is about Jonah being placed in the belly of a whale.

How did you know that? One man asks.

It’s a rerun.

Hanging pictures on the walls of barns and farmland. A windmill hangs over the television set. Framed black and whites of grandmother and grandfather on a mantel. Books on the coffee table.

He sits on the couch, tossing a baseball into a mitt. The kid wears a Cleveland Indians cap turned backward on his head. Mom’s in the kitchen fixing dinner.

Is dad ever coming back? he asks. Where did he go to?

He went away for a while. A hospital to try and quit smoking, she tells him. He’ll be gone for some time. But, he’ll come back a new man, she smiles.

Tommy down the street said he went to jail for beating up a man. Said he  nearly killed him. Told me it was over a woman. Is that true?

No. Dad’s in the hospital. 

Can we go see him?

They don’t allow visitors.

Was he cheating on you?

Your father never cheated.

Are you lying to me?

She shook her head and placed hot dogs on their plates.

We sure do eat a lot of hot dogs. The kid squeezed mustard on his dog, then spooned relish.

Mom slapped him on the cheek.  Never complain when you have food, she said. It’s ungrateful.  There are people starving in this world.

The boy began crying and ran down the hallway to his room, slamming the door.

Mom stayed at the table and finished her meal in silence. 

Blankets cover windows. Christmas lights dangle from the ceiling. Artificial flowers in a vase. He pulls back the blue blanket and watches as snow falls; streetlights cast a blue haze on white.

The old man stands there and touches the glass with his fingertips. He draws a stick figure horse with a cowboy on top of it. In a circle above the cowboy he writes, giddy-up. The old man smiles.

There is day-old coffee in a mug. He pours it into a pot on the stove and warms it. The flame is orange. The old man places his hands on the side of the fire. Heat, he says. Warmth. He breathes in and blows out cold air.

His mug of coffee sits on the table next to a high school yearbook. The old man looks at the color photos of kids. He sees a picture of himself in a football uniform. Is that me? he asks out loud. He laughs and turns the page to find a blonde that looks familiar. The old man spots her name underneath. JoAnn, he says. JoAnn. Haven’t seen her in years. I wonder what happened to her. Probably married some insurance salesman most likely.

The old man closes the annual. He feels the red leather and traces gold letters that spell out Wayne Generals on the front. It’s dated 1974. 

Where does time go? What happened to all these folks? Grandkids. Wives. Husbands. Tax scams. Baptisms. The old man laughs. Life goes on.

They laid in bed with blankets over them in darkness. She stared up at the ceiling. So did he. Cars drove by. Loud music played. A muffler dragged on the pavement.  They didn’t move.

He looked over at the alarm clock. Three in the morning, rolled over on his side and looked at his wife. He couldn’t make her out but heard her breathing. The husband rolled over onto his back and stared up again. Coyotes howled.

She faced him and placed her head on his chest, pretending to be asleep. Grabbed his arm and held tightly. He closed his eyes.

Go to sleep, he said. Shhh. The sun will be up in an hour, he told her. We’ll talk then.