dmseay

On 69 there’s a lot of billboards stretchin’ from the Michigan border clear down to Indianapolis…different types of signs for food…gas…let Jesus save your soul…insurance…legal work…all types…she’d read ’em out loud as we drove in the early mornin’…

And she would keep count of ’em too…carried a little pad of paper to mark down the different types of signs…

One of these days I want us to have a house with a yard…,she’d say every once in awhile…,nothin’ big and fancy…just enough for the two of us…maybe a kid or two…,the skinny brunette would laugh…grab a hold of my arm and sling it ’round her bony shoulder…she’d fiddle with the radio dials…

Look…there’s one for Waffle House…can we stop…can we…,her brown eyes lit up…,nodded my head…pulled down my ball cap…she clapped her hands like a child at Christmas…

I’m gonna get two waffles and two eggs and two pieces of sausage…,she said…countin’ ’em off one finger at a time…bendin’ ’em back with her other hand…

Is that what you want…,I asked…,my baby gets what she wants…

You promise…

I promise…,she took her pinky and linked it to mine…

You say I can get whatever I want…

I do…

I’ll keep that in mind…

Oh I’ll bet you will…

For now I’ll settle for breakfast…

Love you babe…

Love you too…

I parked the truck and she got out and skipped to the door…she was all smiles…men couldn’t help but notice her…she looked like a model…the kind you see in those New York magazines…

We sat in a booth…she had her tanned legs sittin’ Indian style…didn’t even look at the menu…just rattled off all the items she wanted…I asked for a cup of coffee…

What are we gonna do when we reach New Orleans…,she asked…,gonna make a fresh start of it…,I nodded my head…,We got ’nuff money…,tipped my hat back on my head and said…, yep…

Food came and she dug right in…hungrier than I ever seen her before…,Slow down girl…we can get more if you need it…

I’m just so happy…,she smiled…,so happy we decided to do this…

Me too…

When we gonna call daddy and tell him…

Figure we ought to do that…

And momma…

Yeah…her too…

It was time…right…

I think so…

We drove all day into the midnight hour…gotta motel room outside of Memphis…This was our life…forever runnin’…didn’t have the guts to tell her we wouldn’t be in New Orleans long…it’d be just like Detroit…just like Chicago…I’d stay a short while and have to get on the road again…just the way I am…

Truth be told…all I did was fill her head with dreams…that was always better than reality…

He’d sit and look at people all day…perched on a stool at the counter of a coffee shop…counted ’em as they came through the door…made a game of it…

Sometimes he’d just count the blonde ladies with thick ankles…other times the old man would only count men wearing wool caps…it was winter…there were a lot of ’em…

And he sat quietly with his pencil and pad of paper tallying up scores…markin’ off the women with thick ankles and men in wool caps as if they were days in prison…up and down lines with a mark across when he got to five…rarely did he get five women with blonde hair and thick ankles…score would always be lopsided…

It was as if his mind was fixated on this game…didn’t talk ’bout it…kept it quiet…he kept everything to himself…his whole life was a closed book…a lengthy novel too thick to read…people were intimidated by the page count…like Ulysses…or…War And Peace….he was not for simpletons…

So…he continued counting…it’s how he spent his days…his days were winding down…a whole life coming down to this…just an old man sitting in a coffee shop…secretly takin’ a tally…

He went after her…chased her clear down the block…she ran faster and faster…couldn’t keep up…hands on his knees doubled over…breathing heavy…thought he could catch her…not this time…

She kept on runnin’…didn’t look back…ran all the way out to the highway…runnin’ through tall grasses and beer cans tossed outta car windows on Summer nights when high school boys hoop and holler ’round town…couple of mail boxes knocked over…

It was time for her to leave…she’d had ’bout enough of his crazy life…all night drinkin’…movin’ from one job to the next…she longed for stability…something simple…

So she stuck out her thumb and took a ride from the first trucker who’d come along 30…he asked her where she was headin’ to…said no where…started to cry…the trucker gave her a rag…told her he’d take her as far as he was gonna go…out east to Pittsburgh…she told Slim that sounded as good a place as any…

And so they drove into night…old Slim didn’t make a move on her…she kept quiet…lookin’ out the windows at lit billboards…red tail lights…mile signs…stopped in Youngstown close to the Pennsylvania line for a bite to eat…she didn’t have any money…the thin man picked up the tab…

After dinner she stood outside the truck stop runnin’ her hands through her red curly hair…lit up a Newport…told him…,I don’t wanna stop…I wanna keep goin’…,seemed as though she wasn’t far enough away…

We’ll be in Pittsburgh soon…,Slim told her…,I gotta pick up another load in the mornin’ to take out to Jersey…,he took a sip of cold coffee…,Is that an invitation…,she asked…,he nodded his head…

They just kept on drivin’ in silence…she wished Jersey would never come…

He was scared…frightened to leave his house…would stare out the windows in his living room at people as they walked-by…carrying groceries…kids skipping home after school…cars cruising up and down the street…he was scared…

Heard sirens going off…ambulances…fire trucks…cops…this frightened him even more…didn’t want any part of that world…stayed inside with the door double locked…living off apples and oranges…

And he slept most of the time…had dreams of when he was younger…back then his legs were quicker…stronger…used to run up the stairs at the train stations…didn’t need an elevator…

He’d dream of the old bars he used to go to…where he held court…telling jokes…picking up women…drinking til the early morning hours…this town was made for youth…

Now he just stays inside…looking out windows at people as they walk by…mostly young folks…people moving with a purpose…couples holding hands…a dog on a leash…

Now all he had was fear…fear of going out into a world he no longer knew…he was scared…just scared…

He poured another cup of tea…sipped at it…remembering the past…always thinking of the past…

You can’t live on the past…

It’s still dark outside…,she said…,guess the sun won’t come up til after seven…maybe eight…,the petite brunette pulled out a frying pan from under the sink…,how many sausages you want…two…three…,she stammered over to the refrigerator…a voice called down the hall sayin’ three…he always wanted three…and two eggs scrambled…some buttered wheat toast…the little thing began to make coffee…

Why you always askin’…,the burly man said…,Don’t you know by now…been twelve years…she continued by placing butter in the skillet…

I’m never sure what you want anymore…,cracking eggs…beating ’em up…,never know what time you’re gonna get home…what time you’re gonna wake up on weekends…nothin’s predictable anymore…it’s become uncomfortable…you’re just full of surprises…

Think so…

Yes…and that car…what’re we gonna do ’bout that car…just leave it out there in the street…might as well put it up on cement blocks…Ford…Fix Or Repair Daily…

First car we ever got honey…I’ll get ’round to it one of these days…Why you so quarrelsome this mornin’…did you not sleep last night…I know I did…

You always sleep…right there in that Lazy-boy every night…

Yeah…that’s where I fall asleep…

Ever think I want you back in bed…somethin’ to wrap my arms ’round…that ever dawn on you…,the toast popped out of the toaster…

I don’t know honey…

Don’t know what…

I don’t know what you want no more…I surely didn’t think it was me…

Well…you thought wrong…

I’ll make a note of that…,two spoons of white sugar was put in his coffee…he grabbed her wrist…,Hey…you know I love you…right…

I love you too…eat your breakfast ‘fore it gets cold…

yes ma’am…mornin’…

good mornin’…

The Poles woke up at five every morning…red-eyed and hungover from the day before…a little vodka with a cup of coffee goes a long way…cigarette burned in the ashtray…

Stosh sat at the kitchen table waiting for his breakfast…his big blonde wife stood in front of the stove cooking eggs sunny-side up and thick pieces of ham…Stosh had grown accustomed to this treatment…a meal fit for a hungover king…

As he sat there he noticed the snow falling outside…inches piling up on the side yard…it would be another cold day of brick laying on the city’s Westside…he took another shot of vodka…slurrped his black coffee…breakfast was served…

The big Pole dipped his rye toast into the egg yolk and drew pictures around his plate with the golden liquid…his wife took to washing pans and checking in on the children asleep…soon it would be time for school…Stosh looked down the dark hallway where he heard the pitter-patter of his kids feet…his daughter jumped in his lap…the boy stood by his side…

What do you want for Christmas this year my sweet…,he whispered in her ear…the girl giggled and shrugged her shoulders…,And you my prince…what do you want…,Stosh inquired…

I’d like a bike pop…a new bike…,the boy smiled…,I see…,said the man with the wrinkled hands…,I wanna bike that I can ride on ’round the neighborhood…no speeds…just a plain old bike…like you had when you were a kid…,Stosh nodded his head and dipped more toast into yolk…

We’ll go see Santa tomorrow kids…have your lists ready…but remember…not too long…Santa doesn’t like greed…,the kids looked at each other and began laughing…

So…pop took another shot of vodka ‘fore he went out the door…adjusting his coat and placing a wool cap atop his jet black hair…

And he prayed for a moment…crossing himself…,Lord let me work another day…this is all I ask…in the name of the father…the son…and the holy ghost…Amen…

Stosh kissed his wife goodbye and carried his lunch pail and twelve pack out the door…grateful for another day…ready for another Christmas…

The bus drove on down Highway 30…overlooking fields of dead corn…brown stalks laid on their sides…the harvest had picked the place over…nothing green remained…it was now into Autumn…the first freeze would come soon…

And they drove further on 30…lookin’ at gas prices and diners…a shiny tin place called Schoop’s Hamburgers…cars parked all out side around the joint…people waiting to get in…people wanting a Schoop’s hamburger…they had choices to make…they chose Schoop’s…

These strip malls would pop outta no where…Chinese buffets…Asian massage parlors where men enter from the back door…they’d wear a bag over their heads if they could…

Then there were these seedy motels dotted along the highway…weekly and monthly rates…Motel 6 advertising $39.99 in red neon…older makes of cars parked outside…rustbuckets…old Cavaliers…broken down Mustangs…beaten up Mavericks lined up and ready to rest awhile…maybe it was their final resting place…who knows…

We came upon Gary with it’s smoke stacks that no longer blew smoke…the first sign of Lake Michigan…busted up front porches on houses…another snap shot of America…one more picture of people left behind…

There was always somethin’ that he couldn’t place his finger on…little fact or a trace of a thought that escaped his mind…kept him up at nights…wonderin’ just how things got so bent outta shape…he wanted to call up and ask her…wanted to…never got ’round to it…

Instead he’d just walk ’round all day bangin’ his head against brick walls…talkin’ to himself internally ’bout this last love affair gone awry…it was always goin’ awry…one before her and the one before that…a whole list of failed relationships…these women haunted him…

He’d think ’bout ’em in his sleep…had dreams…dreamt ’bout the red head, blondey, and big brunette…all of ’em had long hair…just piles and piles of it he’d run his fingers through…used to love the smell of it…would kiss ’em on the forehead just to catch a whiff…

But…all these women would leave ’em ‘ventually…said he was too much to handle…said his wild ways were gettin’ wilder as he grew older…takin’ off in the middle of the night to walk ’round town…Sheriff would find ’em out on highway 30 thumbin’ rides to go out West…then sometimes they’d find him out on 24 over by the Ohio line…just sittin’ there grinnin’ like an idiot…like some kid with blueberry pie all over his face…

So…he’d spend his final years alone…sittin’ in a recliner with his feet up at night dreamin’…just dreamin’…that’s what became of him…

They thought they’d never hear from him again…all that time away…seems like he was gone forever…didn’t have a phone number or an address…nobody knew where he took off to…just left one day…like some mischievous dog that you best keep on a leash and the one time you don’t…he’s gone…

Well…he come back to town…friend of mine saw him down at the bar the other night…said he was nursin’ a Coca-Cola…didn’t sound like him…he was drinkin’ whisky last time I saw him…he’d put down three or four in less than an hour…in fact…I never saw him sober…stayed drunk all the time…and he’d get in that mustard colored Chevy of his and drive all ’round town…runnin’ stop lights…swervin’ and turnin’ down one way streets…nobody dared get in the car with him…put your life in his hands…no sir…no sir…

It’s a funny thing when people leave…they don’t give you any clues…just leave…his daddy left a long time ago…raised by his momma…her parents would watch him when she went to work at the plant…worked the graveyard shift…she’d get off work and go to the bar too…stay there til noon…playin’ pool and drinkin’ whisky…just like he would…she was probably thinkin’ ’bout that man that’d left her…

But…he’d keep runnin’ away throughout high school…took off to Chicago…Denver…took off for New York one time…thought he never would come back from there…but he did…kept comin’ back and comin’ back…momma put him in some special councilin’ to try and make his head right…it was no use…he just took off again…

So now after years he’s back in town…drinkin’ Coca-Cola…wonder if he’s gonna stay…I wonder…

couldn’t keep em straight…too many rules to follow…got to be a relationship built on instructions…guess she thought she could control me that way…guess she thought it was best if she was in charge…

so…I let her…let her be in charge…dictated where the money went…how it was spent…every dollar was spoken for…I’d go out for a beer after work and get an earful…everything had to have her approval see…everything…

and this led to other deals in the marriage…what we would eat…places we’d go to…when we’d make love…it’s as if all activities were scheduled…like she had a plan…

so…one day after work at the factory…spendin’ all day screwin’ bolts…I drove on my way home…and I didn’t pull into the gravel driveway…just kept on drivin’…drove out past the town park…past the DQ…drove on out to 24 headin’ east…towards the Ohio line…kept drivin’ the old Ford truck on into the night…threw the cellphone out the window…kept watchin’ the orange line hoverin’ ’round E…I just kept drivin’…

there was this real sense of freedom I had…like I was a bird flyin’ solo…the smell of alfalfa come up through the vents…a full moon shined down on me…

yep…a real sense of freedom…guess it’s what I always wanted…didn’t say goodbye…didn’t write a letter…sure she figured it out…