what’re ya’ thinkin’ ’bout…
oh…I don’t know…nothin’ I guess…
uhhuh…
just can’t
stop thinkin’…
’bout her…’bout her…
yea…right…
maybe she’s visitin’ me…ya’ know…ghosts do that…
yeah…heard that ‘fore…
I see her in dreams…nighttime…days too…sneaks up on me…
what do ya think she’s tryin’ ‘ta tell ya…
she’s ready…
for what…
see me again…
think so…
yep…
that what ya’ want…pop…that what ya’ want…
I do…
O.K. …see ya’ tomorrow…
yea…
people talkin’ Christmas photos…families kept in tact…one brief shining moment…
conversations of holiday cheer…election day doom…then silence…just quietness…,Isn’t this quiche lovely dear, the young couple whispers….,Just lovely…
deals discussed…where to buy the best turkey…nothing added…the Amish Goddamn it…the Amish…
and here i sit listening…once a part of the American scream…now…merely observe…observe an’ report…
lives left behind…
Mamet was right…,Things change…
watched the old man eat fried chicken ‘n white bread at the dinner table…Pepsi..
never a word…nothin’….just bite ‘n drink…bite ‘n drink…didn’t look-up…quiet as a field mouse come-in from the cold…hidin’…always hidin’…
all he was ever ’bout…eatin’ an’ goin’ on long drives in silence…no music…nor talk…just wind comin’ through vents…hours that way…
did’ja ever read a book…,i asked him once…shook his grey head, “no”…
why…
borin’….j’st borin’…rather sit and do nothin’…better off that way…
and that’s what he did…
saw a purple streak ‘cross the sky…
was east…towards Ohio…o’er farmland…
and there were these red blinking lights on windmills…shining on-n-off as morning’s light began to show…
just drove…goin’ where…maybe Cleveland…Pittsburgh…could wind-up on the coast…drivin’ up-n-down on I95…Maine ta’ Miami…who knows…
she does…
she does…
had a friend…gave-up years ago…
we all did…
him…me…her…
keep drivin’…keep drivin’….
heard the old man coughing in the other room…loud…flem hacked-up…constant noise… always a constant noise…
this cough became a snore…snores turned to snorts…loud farts…delirious conversations with imaginary girlfriends an’ Eagle Scout comrades…looking to tie the knot…
and he blamed all in slumber for his lack of success…failures…mishaps…thin trembling lips…shaky hands…threats with no substance…why take the fall…
this…his fear…realized in a broken-down Lazyboy…,I was never…never…nothing…just nothing…oh well…
heard the old man coughing in the other room…loud…flem hacked-up…a constant noise…
fuck-it…
let ’em die in peace…
walk ’round town…Akron’s fat cats…hep kids…homeboys on corners lookin’ ta’ sell…used auto-lots with no down payments required…gotta’ job…getta’ car…no questions asked…
and Miles comes through ‘cross the Hudson…notes placed on clouds ‘bove Houston Street…down in Alphabet City…over offa’ Lex…where a zillion cabbies line-up ‘fore a million Punjab palaces…curry in a hurry…
St. Louis boys waitin’ on buses puff into night…Philly’s lit along Grand Avenue as girls in Mickey D’s uniforms and Popeye’s hats keepin’ eyes wide…wantin’ ta’ get home ta’ baby boy an’ BET…,lemme sleep sweet jesus…lemme sleep…
guns blaze in black hoods of Chi-town…young brothers put-up as pawns…strategic places…,bring in da’ money mother-fucker…bring in da’ money…
what ya’ lookin’ at…
whatcha’ doin’ on my street…
betta’ get back…
talkin’ shit…
bang…bang…bang…
‘nother night in ‘merica…
this need …
to leave…
goooooo…..
out on the road again….
in search of…momentum…life’s last push…
thoughts of comfort…
warm blankets…hot coffee…glasses of wine in a king size bed…
for some… some…
t’was seeking love…to love…be loved…in love…these rarities of life…
i don’t want to be alone…i do not…
among the masses i will go…
where vagabonds pass bottles…speak of pasts…talk of crossroads…America’s intersection…
the constant need to journey…
never settle…never…
walks in Central Park…whiskey in Irish bars…paintings on museum walls…of lilies…lilies…
onto another town…
another…and another…
toss me an anchor…please…please…
i’m sinking…
no choice…
why bother…
voices silenced long ago…
by money…by…money…
stand in-line for what…what…
the saving of democracy…
western world’s fate in our hands…
too much…too much…smaller piece…
nothing’s a given…can’t count on a thing…but…we know who can…
this globe gets smaller…thin pockets ever so close to skin…one false step…bank on it…
a plight set in stone…rules of the house…follow accordingly…
and i watch no-longer…alone with Bukowski…old coffee…and prime time jazz from Paris…
this…my peace…
goodnight Mrs. Calabash…
where ever you are…
do nothing…
just nothin’…
just nothing…
what does…
shhh…nothing…no talk…nor movement…nothing…
why can’t…
mmm….mmm…mmm
this ain’t peaceful…feel nothin’…boring…
please…
why’d you bring me here…to this…
place…this garden…
stupid…
look around…
at what…
just look… look…
lookin’…
what is seen…
don’t know…
flowers…greens…golds…purples…vibrance…
sure…whatever man…
look at your surroundings…then look within…
at what…
yourself…yourself…
how do i do that…
metaphysical…
metawhatthefuck…
shhh…
leavin’…’nough…
fine…
you’re weird dude…
yes…
really fuckin’ weird…
these trees…
‘tween alleys where drunken vagabonds seek refuge…girls play tricks… boys let them…
these trees of greens…golds…reds…winter is near…
candy-bar wrappers lay at their feet…opened trash-cans…wrinkled rubbers…worn-out men…
these trees are old… saw the building of a church…houses go-up…come-down…watched those in Sunday attire…uniforms of weekday toils…jump-suits for Saturday night…
girls in pigtails…Doo Rags tied down… cocked-hats…go an’ get yo’self…a jheri’curl…are ya’scared…well don’t be…
these trees whose leaves have death in mind…will return again…and again…
i will watch…
i will watch…
dmseay 