dmseay

she encapsulates America…

this leading lady… coiffed circus act…our center ring is lit…

played well…nothing up her sleeve…presto…the art of the possible never looked so good…

manipulation…intemidation…threats…always poised to pounce…waiting for no-one…fools and laymen step aside…

her’s is the thrown to take…seated with scepter…wanting wishes granted…go away boys…go away…there’ll be no bread today…

nor goodwill shown…or love of fellow man…promises tossed to peasants long ago…a bone your highness…a bone…

and i shall watch as this kingdom collapses…castles built on hallowed ground…by Teddy…FDR…Barbara’s brilliance…those shiny stars which have dimmed…

vapors now linger…vapors…

goodnight America…goodnight…

i kiss thee…goodnight…

*Pres. Teddy Roosevelt (R)

*Pres. Franklin D. Roosevelt (D)

*Rep. Barbara Jordan of Texas(D)

talked all night…

diners…Midtown bars…

watched people strut…stroll…lumber along…

going nowhere…nowhere…

play-by-play commentary…

never a better analyst on the game…

ropes learned…

hotel rooms…suburban homes…back alleys…buddy-booths over on 42nd…tricks tricks tricks…

one by one thorough reads were given…Midwest men away from wifey the first time…sales-guys in suits with polyester pleats wanting a score…tourists roaming  endlessly into Manhattan’s night….

looking for what…who you kiddin’…

past churches with candles lit…Mexicans lined-up for odd jobs and under-table pay…plasma donors swapping stories…liquor stores awaiting the witching hour…knish-cart people of Palestine….one…the good mustard…good mustard…

everywhere…this city smells…

of you…

you…

watched people strut…stroll…lumber along…

going nowhere…going nowhere….

 

wasn’t sought….’least…well…

seated…among lavender…lilacs…lilies…

wept…  brass belly… smooth to the touch…a smile revealed all…these tears are happy…,where’ve you been hiding….,here…right here…,he chuckled…

you are loved….., this ancient idol said, unconditionally…peace be with you, placed prayer beads ’round his neck… laugh…delicious laughter…something to believe-in…

a cow…country….testaments….time machines….credit lines…symbols of love…offerings in peace….bottles of poison…

and you put stock in what….

yes…yes…

i’ve gotta belly to rub…

beauty….grace…

laughs-n-smiles…

dearest friend…

tis you…tis you…

to watch in shadow’s light…

this bed shared…

what joy…nothing needed…

and many would scoff…laugh…loves forgotten…this world’s jaded…wine was never shared…stories kept quiet…music silenced…maybe…never played…

their fortune’s spent…gone long ago…kisses only money could buy…gratis never came…

thank God for a poverty’s riches…

so i ask…why me…this luck…yes…love has not always been kind…

you are why i wait…

dearest keep dancing…keep dancing…

beauty…grace…

laughs-n-smiles…

dearest friend…

tis you…tis you..

the happiest of birthdays…

El Gato purrs…

she…snores…

i lay ‘tween…

Bukowski in blue…

whiskey..smooth…easy…

Bukowski…

Bill Evans plays silently…blanket pulled-over…

El Gato purrs…

she…snores…

i lay ‘tween…

words… words…

at peace…

showed his cards….

broken…broke….lonely…mad at God…this god he knew from the King James text of old… no messiah in waiting…could care less if jesus came to town in a busted-up Chevy or a fixed-up Ford…sometimes you just feel that way…

He took my wife… money… nothin’…., old man said, wonderin’ whether or not to keep goin’…, never seen him tremble…shake…, maybe you know what that’s like, nodded…, not easy…., just looked…kept looking….waiting on pop…

you didn’t do ROTC…wouldn’t know ’bout that…makes you a man…no crying…

how so….

they’d make ya do twenty laps ’round the football field with an M16 ‘bove your head…what they’d do…

ever happen to you…

oh yea…plenty ah’ times…

whatd’ya want to cry ’bout….

don’t know…can’t ‘member…, stared off into space… Schnauzers barked…more shit to clean-up….

never cried when your mom died…never did…

‘ats not what i heard……

mmm….maybe I did…don’t know…just taught men don’t do that…

see…

facing bankruptcy…switchin’ money from one account to another…wanna leave all ah’ this…this place…this town…leave…

O.K. ….

you ever wanna die…really die…

everyday….

I’m scared…

i know…

…go home…

no….fine…

be alright…

…k…

leave the car….

can’t….

my car…

sure…

if I kill myself then I kill myself….

fine..you wanna’ kill yourself…i’ll show you how to kill yourself…but you’re not gonna take anybody with ya’….got it…

take that car and I’ll call the cops…,started crying…

i know… get it…

do ya…do ya…

yea…

and we sat there….dad and i…till’ he fell asleep…mumbling ’bout old girlfriends…wanting a Pepsi…snoring…

time to go….

 

 

 

turning poetry to porn…

flesh in an instant…

proclivities punctuated…exposed….

nothing clandestine….

romance….

no longer do we turn to Whitman…Leaves of Grass thrown out into compost….

tired…worn from the obvious…

plasticity…

injected with what…

generations in search of personality…settling for craft pints an’ small plates….

i hope there’s always jazz…piano trios at 3 in the morn…

coffee…cream…a buxom blonde who smokes…

i don’t ask much….

empty bookshelves…

turning poetry to porn…

waiting for a call….

 

 

would sit in a room listenin’ ta’ BGO outta’ Jersey….

Bukowski by my side…poems…On Cats….

Catholic church ‘cross the alley…Mexican girls in short skirts an’ shawls…

staircase…leading where….where…some hole reeking of shit left behind…. this poor bastard… dumb prick….nothing elegant…waitin’ for ah’ clean-up crew ta’ come…waitin’….waitin’….waitin’….

little Petey sneakin’ back ah’ dumpster to take a piss… black chicks with big round asses strut-by…. caught his act before…lookin’ both ways…aren’t we all….

leaves in gold…orange…yellow…red…on the ground downtown ’till spring comes again…put the rakes away…Mother Nature’ll take care ah’ this…

soon snow’ll takeover frozen brown …homeboys’ll stay ‘side…longing for heat…back ta’ business….till’ then…boys…you’re on your own…,I aint goin’ out in dat cold an’ shit ta’ get my ass capped, why should’ya….

Dexter Gordon blows….i’m hooked….sittin’ in a room listenin’ ta’ BGO outta’ Jersey…

Bukowski by my side…poems…On Cats….

a dusty table-saw sat in the garage…router…drill-press…red dented Craftsman on casters…he’d had ’em for years…

money’s low pop…gettin’ low…

what’dya mean low…

rent’s due…time…

huh…

what’dya think…

don’t know…

after all the bills get paid…what’dya got…

don’t know…

not much…

not much…

nope…not much…

so…

choices pop… choices…

huh…

look…gotta stop…this…

what…

this…time’s up pop…we’re all on the clock dad…’bout ta’ ring…

never set it…

right…need ta’ sell the shop…

sell the shop…

yes…money’s not there…then ya’ gotta move…somethin’ cheaper…take care ah’ ya’….

huh…care of me…

yes…

see…

do ya’…

knew it was comin’….

what’s that…this…

yea…day my own family’d desert me…saw’t comin’ ‘long time ‘go…your mother warned me ’bout this…

did she now…

yep…

way you see it…

look…that shop stays…got it…saavy…

your choice…

when nothin’ means nothin’ you got nothin’…

haven’t built anything in years…

when nothin’ means nothin’ you got nothin’…

Pepsi…where ya’ goin’…

garage…

uhuh…

wanna’ be out there awhile…’lone…

see…

when nothin’ means nothin’ ya’ got nothin’…

alright…dad…

when nothin’ means…

so… bars ’round Wrigley…

yea…

chargin’for the game…

oh yea…

‘magine that…

mother-fuckers…

right…

listen…Jacobowskis….Yablomowitz…Ski’s an’ Itz’s…that shit wouldn’t fly…

uhuh’….give a Smith or a Brown the chance ta’ fuck a guy…what’d they do…

right…

fuckin’ Cubs fans…