dmseay

ghosts haunt me…keep showing-up like uninvited guests at a birthday party…a wedding…a funeral…

i knew these spirits…these wandering souls like myself…curiosity got the best of us…off to this city..over to that state…up and down coast- lines…never…never…to grow old…yes…never…

to awaken in a naked pile on a beach in Michigan….to drink all night til 4….running ’round  Chicago in search of music…drink…and madness…sleeping in a packed Dodge parked along a seedy Montreal street…foriegn tongues whisper in the night…

these ghosts know not what they do…old scars have not healed…memories are all that is left…of madmen..poets…singers…actors..musicians….there was always a midnight dance…gone…gone…gone…now just spirits…tired…wornout pasts…

ghosts haunt me…

I seen him out there walkin’ on the lake…talkin’ some shit ’bout loaves and fishes…turnin’ water into wine…hair comin’ down past his ass…

always knew he was a trouble maker…ever since when he was a kid and he gave the elders a piece of his mind…feed the hungry…take care of your fellow man…ain’t nobody takin’ care of me.

this is America…ain’t no free lunch here…hell…that school lunch program’s been done away with for a while now…welfare to work motherfucker…took care of that shit lickety split…

and now this long-haired Jewboy talks this socialism shit…free this…entitlement after entitlement…big government programs that cost too much…who the hell does he think he is…the son of God….

’bout had enough of his liberal talk…gonna’ go down to the gun store this weekend and come Sunday when he’s talkin’ in the town square…I’ll show ’em the gates of Heaven…son-of-a-bitch…

hand me another PBR…here’s to the home of the free boys…God bless America…Afuckinmen……

this package…you take this package up to 72nd…The Dakotas….right…you give this thing to Reuben…only Reuben…not Ben…not James…not that cocksucker David….Reuben..

and then…you leave…just leave…don’t stick around…don’t ask questions…don’t get cute…just leave…

right…right…he should tip you…a little something…but don’t expect it…don’t stick your hand out…nobody likes that…fucking amateurs…are you a professional or not?…uh…got it…

now…get goin’…remember…Reuben only…you fuck this up…you’re done…yes…right…

chop chop…

and there was always an outside shot…a chance maybe…that was the hope…we all gotta have hope…

this deal…this thing we do…what’ll get ya’ in the end…advancement…opportunity…better options…always seeking out better options…buying time..so be it…

it’s not always gonna’ be around…you know this…right…what’s good for the goose…whose foolin’ who…my cards are shown…

and so there’s talk…coffee…a little pastry…pleasantries are exchanged…but no deal has been struck…the deal expired at midnight…

at midnight…when good girls and boys across the land of milk and honey dream of joys and riches beyond belief…safely held in Mother America’s arms…

where was i….far away…far far away…waiting for the call… it never came…

sitting in a St. Louis hotel room…the aftermath of drink after drink…wild pursuits of broad after broad…done with walking the streets of America…done…done…done…

the comforts of cable television…remote in hand…flipping from one channel to the next…CNN’s soft news parade…FOX’s conservative cavalcade…a little of this…some of that…the whole nation brought to you in color…God Bless America…

and then by chance…perhaps fate…the Adult Video Awards…live from Las Vegas…our country’s greatest whore house…this night was the night..honoring those in an industry that truly defines all that is great about America…all that we stand for…e pluribus unum…

and seated in the grand glittering shopping mall hall of over-indulgence…blow-up boobs…puffed out lips…backsides aplenty…camera shots of luscious blondes exposing the best in Brazilian waxing…brunettes licking their own nipples with zoom-ins…tight and up close…old Jews with young Gentile girls who left suburban homes in search of excitement…money…hardcore fame…

the laundry list of awards…best girl/girl…best anal…best group…best male lead…best female lead…best…best…best…a plethora of best…always in- search of the best

like an answer to the call of commerce…the best oral award was presented….the nominees…all stunning and truly talented in this field…the pick would not be easy…it never is

so…with a standing ovation the tall buxom blonde made her way to the stage to collect her prize…speech…speech…speech..the crowd cried…and they got one…

I want to thank my wonderful agent Jules Lowenstein, she began, He took this small town girl and showed her the ropes, applause…applause….applause…

thanks to all the wonderful actors I’ve had the pleasure of performing on this year…there’s too many to name…

Thanks to all that were a part of this…and….I’m just gonna keep sucking cock the best way I know how…with all my heart…thank you…

what a patriot…a true American.. to keep sucking cock with all the heart she could muster…this was a shining moment…for a small town girl…for an industry…for corporate America…just keep sucking cock with heart…Dale Carnegie would be proud…

soon seminars at corporate retreats on cock sucking would take place… a grand tour throughout the land…hotel banquet halls packed with sales professionals from Alaska to Arkansas…lined-up to learn the art of cocksucking…knowing that honing this skill in the corporate world would either make them or break them…God’s speed…

to being the best in America…the best actor…the best police officer…the best teacher…the best cocksucker…don’t stop believing..

now go out there and do it…this is our finest hour…don’t put off tomorrow what can be done today…

Horatio Alger…we hardly knew ya’…

I’m tellin’ ya’…you do this thing…this whatever it is you wanna call it…there’ll be repercussions…damages…that being said…no-one’s holding you back…put yourself in a compromising position…see what that gets ya’…nothing…not-a-thing…and why is that…you think that right…’cause no-one’s on your side no more pally…the sea was parted long ago and there ain’t nothin’ you can do ’bout that…may think you can…but let me assure you that is not the case…yes yes…and women and children will cry out in the Holy Land for a messiah to come and cleanse this fuckin’ world…but it ain’t gonna be you…it never was gonna be you…this is the landlord’s moment in the sun…this is his time…got it…now…you go out there and tell those cunts in the crowd to swing our way….cause if they dont…if you don’t…bad news doc…thinkin’bout fuckin’ this guy…think again…I said…think again…I can warn you of this with clear certainty…that would not be in your best interest…comprende….now…break a leg Teddy…break a leg…oh…and when you leave…could you hit the lights…thanks…

I’m no longer a free man…nothin’…can’t do a thing without askin’ permission, the old man said…taking a sip of Pepsi…waking-up in his Lazyboy…

why is that…stuck in this house…kept in this town…take-off and that son ah mine’ll have every damn trooper in the nation on my ass…bringing me right back here…to sit…and eat and sit and eat.., his hand trembled…wouldn’t quiet down though…

you’re gonna put me away ain’t ya’…answer me boy…you kids are plannin’ on puttin’ me away til I die…I know whatcha up to…can’t nobody fool me…, lit a Kool…blew out the match…

where’s that bag ah shirts I got at Sears…you seen it…it’s around here somewhere…get-up and go look for it…, the old man began to turn over cushions on sofas…mom’s old knitted throws…doors were slammed, you gonna help me or not?…

pop…dad…you didn’t buy any shirts…the shirts were not bought…you decided not to do that…O.K…..

the hell I didn’t…where’s those fuckin’ shirts…I’m warnin’ you boy…hear me…tellin’ ya’……you took those shirts there’s gonna be some answers…saavy…

dad…listen…listen…the card was denied…you told the cashier to keep them…the shirts…you said some other words too…

did they keep my card?…., he began taking out every item he ever achieved in a bill-fold falling apart…old driver’s license..out of date credit cards…a perfectly preserved Social Security card…an Eagle Scout recognition earned at the age of seventeen…a grey lock of hair from his wife’s head…

they took my card…you hear me…they took my Sears Roebuck credit card…well shiiiit….

dad…

I’m no longer a free man…

since 1970 my life’s been total shit, Schizoid said, just total shit…I had a Wonder Woman statue glued on my dash and some guy reached in there and ripped it clean off, he sighed..took another drink of coffee…,son-of-a-bitch…

it’s a shame you don’t have a camera in that thing to see who done it, Bipolar remarked, catch that dude and teach ’em a lesson..

that’s what I’m plannin’ on doin’….it’s always somethin’..always gettin’ motherfucked left and right…I loved that Wonder Woman..I truly loved her..

you know…you can get another Wonder Woman..right…just go buy another..that’s all…

Schizoid took a deep breath, you never get over your first one…you never do…

i could have stayed and made love more…yet the body needed rest…a long rest filled with dreams of wild dances and music…music…music…putting the mind at ease…

so i left out the back door…locking the latch…keeping you safe in the suburban night…tip-toeing…in darkness…shhh…you’ll wake the neighbors…

and i drove…i drove cross town…past green-lit bars…golden arches…all-night grocery stores…wondering…just wondering while songs sang in my head…

what’s her next move…

there was never enough…never…a banquet would be laid out for all to partake…but she wanted more…always more…

like a child in a highchair with small spoon in hand…shaking fists and crying out…more…more…more…not that…this…hop to it…come-on now…liven your step…

these cries of greed woke-up all…she was noticed…requests duely noted and adhered to…what choice does one have…all this screaming and yelling…

what America wants…America gets….one way or another…she’ll get her’s….

she will cry…kick…scream…call names…because more was sometimes slowly served….

and she wonders why desert never came…